People Have Feelings

Ever known fear? No? A great pity that is! You should, you know, it is a wonderful feeling!

Well it looks as if the latest threat to me has nothing to do with my life at all! How I was quaking before! I could not sleep, I could not think, I could not even take a nice shit (and that, is the most important part as every one who has lived would certify). I was completely unnerved and jittery.

Now all that has been changed, at least for the time being!

- The new attack has only to do with my poor blog! Can you believe it? They want to besmirch it now so that only hyena’s in human form would visit it. I did once write that my regular readers are not the sort who leaves comments in by blog. Poor me, how wrong I was! They have now seriously decided to do something about my ‘brutal’ attack on themselves.

Who can blame them, people have pride you know, people have feelings!

I had always (erroneously) thought that they could withstand any sort of pressures that I exerted, for they have the strength in numbers on their side and of course has the state of the art tools and personal evaluation resources(shrinks) if they want to take recourse to those. But alas nothing seems to be working of late.

All this started with a comment I received the other day. The reader applauded my efforts in bringing the wicked to book, at least to the book of human conscience. Immediately there was a furor.

It is true that I can make the perps look very, very bad. As I said in an earlier post, I am an insider, I still can get hold of records, I can still publish them. And they can do nothing about it.

An insider can do a lot of harm if he wants to. The advantage I have over the character played by Russell Crowe in the “Insider” is that I am not bound by any confidentiality agreements with the company that I work with, the Government to boot. The government is a faceless entity and one can explore several branches of it if one wants, and some of these branches are not all that chummy with each other.

The recent move against my blog was a well publicized one. It could actually be a mass movement started long ago unknown to me. They had, till now, tried to discredit me with criticizing me in other blogs. That was a terribly shoddy move. Some babies took a leaf out of the perp’s book and were vociferous for them too.

They had swallowed every thing which was fed them by the perps and had written absolute drivel on me. In fact they showed great delight in it. That makes me certain that they would swallow anything if it is presented in the scented bottles of authority. They intensely disliked my presence on the net, as if it was invented and maintained by their own relations.

But actually why did they dislike me? For the plain reason that they were told to dislike me by their masters. They tore everything I wrote in my blog out of silly insensitivity. They had no previous animosity towards me unless they are the children of my real adversaries, if so they could have been open about it.

“My father or mother is a wonderful perp. We are out to destroy this guy because he had seen certain shady deeds and had spoken about them discrediting my pops and moms.”

Why not do so? That would have been at least intriguing.

You know, my father brought me up with the money he earned out of honest and diligent service for the state government. He never took bribes even when he was posted in the seats which dealt with purchase of furniture, lab equipment, and other necessities for the hundreds of thousands of government schools in the state. It was worth several millions of bucks every year (this was in 1980’s the amount would be much more now).

The bidders came from all over India. They were moneyed and powerful and influential. He never budged. He insisted on quality and the correct quantity every time. It is because of a few people like him that the children are yet safe under the roof of their schools and can sit on firm benches. (Not that it concerns the moneyed class in this land, but it is worth remembering that their money comes out of these poor folk. Some might even believe that they are printing it out of their computers.)

I had to study in the same schools too. If my father was a wee bit lenient I would have emerged out such schools situated at the idyllic of places like Ootty and Shimla and Darjeeling instead. I would have spoken and written chaste English like some of the lovely and exalted beings who are out to destroy me on the net. I do not grieve over it. I would rather have died than become the offspring of some such unprincipled bastard.

I am proud of my Father; I feel a trillion feet tall when I think of him. I can be never as good as him and I do not have many of his nice qualities. But a terrible and blinding rage rises up inside me when I hear of something shady in life. That I inherited from him, it has not brought me any wealth, but it has brought me great pride in being a person who can not be bought. My mother would also disown me even now if I do not stand up for the right thing.

My question is, are you guys proud of your parents?

I know most children revere their parents. Everything is provided ready made for them now by these. They have the Cells, Cars, bought education, branded dresses Italian leather shoes, soft beds, and permission to spend hundreds of bucks as pocket money every week or every month. I am a little envious too about these (It would have been nice to have them) but not much. I can’t sell my soul for a few bucks and I would not have a parent who does that.

I did not have to go in tattered cloths because my father did not take bribes. I was comfortably brought up. May be I was denied some of the things that could have been useful in getting a little further in life. But I can still take on the whole world and stand proud when low minion’s caste slurs on me. No amount of slurs would make me disappear from the lives of people I set my eyes on, for good or for bad.

That is why I do not respond when my blog is sledged covertly by little babies. There is nothing against sledging others blogs in the netiquette it seems.

If I had done the same, the whole situation would have been become extremely ugly - poor English or not I could have kicked up a real brouhaha on anybody’s blog. But I haven’t yet spoken a syllable on what they have written in their blogs. That could have been easily done. Even sublime verses could be distorted into mere nothings and these babies are not the Milton’s and James Joyce’s. There might be saviors of course and they might try to shut me down but they can’t shut down every blog that I start on the net can they?

Let me be very plain here, if some one wants to play erotica with me pick some other time. I am in the middle of a battle that is life threatening. And let me tell you I have left my squeamishness way back when entering into the fray with the born scum, you cant play twaddle’s with me and hope to win. I am not interested in banging on the heads of the children for the time being.

Some thought that by leading my attention to them and making it appear that I am generally hated in the world they can silence me. They reckoned wrong. Whether they like it or not they can not wish me away from the world. I am as an indivisible part of it as everyone/everything else is. This is not that hard to understand, is it?

So no amount of hammering on the chest and no amount of searching for protectors would save the sworn enemies from me. My dears, I am not some one who turns and runs at the least provocation. The more dangerous the situation becomes the more determined I become. As I said earlier too, I thrive on acrimony. I might run from the most insubstantial of situations in life. But I am yet to run from something I have set my heart on.

I would like you to keep that in mind.