Bahusyaam Prajayeti

Ever hear of the Kerala style of development?

(“Development? Did you say development you minion, you dare utter that word again?”

“A terrible blooper, my lord and master, won’t repeat the mistake again; tender my humble apologies to the mademoiselle!”).

Well that aside, we are master developers here in this Gods own Country. We are not interested in developing anything other than human resources. Roads, agriculture, industry well, well, anybody can develop them, even Stalin did so you know! That is why we picked on human resources; it is the toughest thing to develop on. We began at the beginning. Every ward in our villages has an engineering college now. I am wisely refraining from talking about Medical Colleges. That would not do at all.

Well coming back to the theme of development, we have the best literacy rate in the whole world. Even a nonagenarian could trace a sort of a zero with his shaky hand when he has to sign. And if that is not development what is?

There is not the least bit of doubt in my mind that we are totally culturally forward, man woman, boy’s, girls, children, toddlers and embryos. We are what civilization is all about. Do I see some black looks around?

Okay, okay, we occasionally chase a few white madams around; for one thing we need the exercise and for another we have this weakness for soft white flesh. People have weaknesses you know, people are not gods! But that in no way grants the madams the right to say that we are like the Latino’s in this regard. The holy fact is that we won’t be second to none.

Ever hear of a Latino chasing any one from the sea shore to the nearest police station some miles away? Some very spirited souls among us made certain tourists do that, a wonderful sight to see too, can you beat that? You dream, you virtually dream.

Yet the detractors would say anything to castigate us. Would you believe it?

Our development does not end there.

We have the best man/woman ratio in India. For every thousand girls we only produce 950 males. In the rest of the land it is the other way round- 950 girls for 1000 men. (You see the point don’t you? That ‘thousand’ is a magical figure) we take very special care of the womenfolk here, chasing white madams notwithstanding (a mere fancy).

Unfortunately that rate did not help me when I was trying to find a wife in the old style of our arranged marriages. You can be sure there is a lot going for the arranged marriages that most westerners know nothing about. It is like bringing two different continents together. Both unexplored. As you explore each other you become familiar with the hidden tracts and hillocks that are within the territories.

Familiarity breeds contempt you think? You don’t have to worry about that at all, before that happens some other “unfamiliar’s” in the guise of your offspring would emerge from god knows where. From then onwards it is bloody hard work you know, to get to know these aliens, changing diapers is the easiest part.

When all is said and done we are the best developers that there is. Our development of the human resources is “exponential” to say the least and we make use of them intelligently. There is a trick involved in it as you can see.

We mostly export our human wares to the distant lands. Some call it the “Brain Drain”. They are woefully wrong. For one thing there are not many brains to drain off. For another this is the kind of colonization we have decided upon, we have been over run by all sorts of people for centuries. This is our form of revenge. We shall continuously produce and export our racial strains to all parts of the globe and even in to the lunar regions. It is a shrewd and well thought out plan.

As stated in the Eithereya Upanishad our racial unconscious has decided:

“Bahusyam Prajayeti”

I shall produce many; I shall populate the world so that soon there will be Indians all over the globe. All the future presidents of the US would be from our race. We will run the European Union, and the Down Under and the Latin America, our Hindi movies are currently subjugating the African people and the only thing we have to do is to really take over there.- We have absolutely no doubt about these.

The Chinese pose a problem we know. Well we are thinking on it. Their civilization is as old as ours; they might be on the same line of expansion too, but we are in with a slight advantage, we look somewhat similar to the Caucasians don’t we, though a little dusky in our skin color?

We are currently banking on it. The Chinese are ancient, but they are indebted to us for their Kung fu, for it has definite ‘Kalari’ connections. We can infiltrate intellectually in that way and take over.

But they are particularly humorless and that’s gonna be a big problem. I have some evidence to prove it.

There is this real life incident of a Malayali in China. He was a state guest, and was provided with a guide. The guide told him that he would be at the hotel at sharp some “O” clock to take him around Beijing. The ever humorous Keralite replied:

“Now that would be impossible you see, I have some other engagements at that particular hour!”

The poor Chinese man was flabbergasted. He was almost into tears. Trains began to travel at high speeds through his brain. It meant he had to reschedule everything and he was not allowed to reschedule it. Fearing that the poor man would have an apoplectic attack the Keralite relented and told him that he was being kidded.

With tears in his eyes the Chinese guide begged of him not to tell a joke without a fair warning in advance. Like:

“My dear friend, I am going to tell you a joke now. Get ready to laugh”

Well, could be a good practice too, at least in my case! But how are you going to take over a nation without a humorous bone in it?

A real problem it is!