Who Knows

Of late I have been thinking of the purpose of life- does it have a purpose? The more I think about it, the more I become dispirited. It seems meaningless, without any discernible purpose at all. The farce that people enact and call by the name of life is nothing of the sort-its really death in disguise. Our lives seem animated by a sort of blind will to survive, to hang on to whatever straws that we can find to continue this bizarre existence. It’s an animal urge, prompted by a strange force of nature and it has no connection with any purpose other than survival.

But any sensible being can’t be satisfied with this alone, even inanimate objects show a desire to survive or continue in the same state as long as they can. A crescograph would show you how things react when they come in contact with destructive elements. So survival is not the point of life, the dull survive as well as the active, sometimes the dull live long than it’s opposite.

So, there has to be some kind of life that’s worthy of being called life. Something that adds to our experiences, enriches our being, grants us light and frees us from our real or imaginary shackles. But though I have lived to be middle aged, I haven’t yet found any such qualitative change in my insides to say that living is a worthwhile activity.

Let me tell you, this is not born out of any recent calamity in my life (I take life as the biggest calamity). I live normally and have normal friends and foes- there are people who want me dead and there are people who love me. We all do that in our moments of intensity. So this is not about that at all. So then what is it about?

Look at my case; here I am in the midst of characters that have never made an effort to understand what life is. They live stupidly from day to day, thinking the same thoughts, going through the same motions, projecting the same hatreds and likings, immersing themselves in the same petty and useless pursuits!
Sadly they can’t enrich their lives the way they go on -let alone enrich that of others, even if there is such a possibility. In fact they are not any different from animals, the only plus being the ability to talk. But that rarely add anything in their lives.

So what am I doing here, what could I gain by mingling with such unthinking specimens of humanity? If I can vouch for anything it is this- none of these guys are ever going to even think that there is something higher in life than money and their immediate needs or pleasure, imagined or perhaps even experienced. The only thing is that they seem highly pleased with their lives. There would be a terribly self satisfied leer on their faces when they see some of the humanity that has less!

Why do I hate to see both, those who leer and those who suffer? I don’t know! Perhaps I hate the lack of finer sensitivity in them. May be I think that is what life is all about, sharpening your sensitivity, pointing yourself in some direction- but what direction? This is where it gets me. There seems to be no direction at all. There is only death at the end. It’s a blind alley. You can’t progress any further once you are in it. So what is this struggle that we are all going through to ward off death, why not accept it and be done with it?

No wonder some Japanese gentlemen end their lives just out of boredom. May be its much better that way! But is it? Is there an answer to the riddle of life; is there a way to weed out the petty and insignificant out of your lives? Or is it all significant in some way? Have I erred in terming certain things as of no importance?

Well who knows?

‘lofty’ regions

Life often makes us good actors. In a way this is inevitable too, for none of us know what goes on inside our minds at anytime. Yes, we may think or claim we do, but on closer examination our every action or thought extend deep into the unremembered past and the causes that created the effects remains out of reach to us. This is not to say that we don’t have clear cut ideas of things and acts on them. We do. These ideas are often about power. We call them by the names of position, money, love or something that come into our minds-yet whatever we call them, it all amounts to one thing- the quest for power.

Beings are always in unenviable positions. They have to act, and act purposefully, and almost always they have to prove dominance in the environment they are in. If they fail to do so, there is tension and there is unrest.

Proving ourselves superior is so vital that we often commit blunders in its name.

All these came into my mind as I was trying to analyze the reasons behind a sort of lethal war going on against me that I can’t understand on the superficial level. I am not an especially difficult person to get along with provided I am left alone to do what I think right in any circumstances. But the hitch is, my ‘right’ needs not be the right of others, however “right” my right is! (There are no political connotations in that statement)

See, in a given situation, you have only one way to act- uphold the customs, law and regulations in force in the realm as they would not be in force unless they are time tested and proven beneficial. There could be any number of flaws in them, but unless you are powerful enough to change them, the better option would be to enforce them. This is especially true if the others in the environment are duty bound to follow them too.


But the cows on a page are yet to eat grass. So rules, regulations, codes etc will still be there till the human beings evolve into something better and finer but shall always be bent or neglected to suit the interests of those who are to use them. I am not a great stickler for rules as such. They are there to bring in order and prevent absolute chaos. A literal interpretation of rules would do more harm than good, for we are not robots and can’t at all times follow rules to their letters. I don’t see this as a failing; I see it as a healthy attitude to life and a welcome show of independence on the parts of the individuals who does it occasionally.


But such activities have to be shunned where there is real danger to the institution that you are working for. Failing to realize it and to go on acting as if it is divinely ordained to act for the downfall of the same organization that is keeping you alive is sheer imbecility. Only dotards would take such a course.


Well, if you want to know, I am living among such imbeciles and dotards at present. Some of them have openly stated that they don’t mind being transferred elsewhere if the organization is wound up here. That is, they still hold on to the stupid idea that nothing will happen to their institution and they still can act in the way they always have done, that is put their personal interests before work and getting paid for it all the same.


So they are enacting these little skits for my benefit. They pretend they are for or against anybody they decide upon beforehand and produce documents to prove their indiscretions and good deeds alternately. Unfortunately I am past that stage of being befuddled by their ancient tricks. I must say that they work very hard at it, and probably are being paid from some embezzled money for it. Such is their total devotion to the cause of discrediting the institution that they are working in. It would soon come to naught without the least doubt. The past two decades have left the institution completely unscathed. It has never done anything at all. Its staff is the most well fed and the most absent of the entire humanity. They absolutely hate to come to the office. It’s a religion and if they come to the office, are they fools to sit around somewhere and work? You dream!

From the chaprasi to sweeper every one holds equal powers with the head of office and give orders to their superiors without fail. Okay I am ready to admit that hillbillies would always be hillbillies, but such total disregard for what is to come! My mind boggles at the thought!
So I am acting my part in the deplorable little dramas that they are putting up every day. I am acting the part of a spectator and they seem satisfied with it.

I would not recommend any of these “maestro’s” in a children’s play even. They only have one skill- that of brazen self bias.
More from the ‘lofty’ regions soon!

Let's fumigate them

What’s the greatest wonder in the universe?

The human ego, what doubt! There is nothing to replace it in heaven and earth. The way it reaches for the sky! It’s unbelievable!

There are these few guys I know of! They haven’t done a day’s good work in their lives and makes a living out of people’s money by posing themselves as their servants. Though they have the least idea about what they are doing, weigh them with a scale to measure ego, it would destroy that instrument.

Oh they do some work all right. That is if you are willing to pay for the services! Don’t ask why they are being paid for it from the government exchequer if you care for your lives! For you are sure to lose it if you do. You just don’t know the things frightened fools are capable of. They would kill and maim and commit arson to carry their day.

Imagine a scenario where a few individuals have done nothing but cash bills at the government treasury and bristle up when one asks them what they or their institution have done in the last twenty years. Well you get the idea. To waste all that money to pay for the up keep of a few families is tantamount to criminal embezzlement. But one loses prestige after sometime and behaves as if one is the best citizen in the world.
Well, the stories that are coming out from this hell hole is enough to make ones blood run cold. If you dare to utter one syllable against them, you are done in for. The only way to get rid of these guys and cleanse the world is to fumigate them good and proper. Well it has to be done with some strong chemical, because these individuals are tenacious and would survive even a nuclear explosion.

Don’t ever dare to tell them what to do! Oh they know what is best for the world and themselves, they have all the rules by heart. They would quote it by the boxfuls and you know, vice goes in holy company. They have protection right and left. The holy men pray for them day and night. Well one has to preserve evil in the world hasn’t one? It’s the bounden duty of all of us!

Let the seedy earn their living and the good of the people go to waste!

Let us establish the rule of the Devil in the world and pose as the saved!

Just WHAT is the matter with you guys?

Lord, the way the threats come!

They come through looks, touches, smiles, head movements, poses, pauses, loud noises and what not.

They often now come in the guise of wireless communications. Yeah the threats have become sophisticated, but the mentality behind it remains the same. Ancient, callous, uncouth, Neanderthal…….

Yes, it’s a changing world but unchanging mores.

I think I have become immune to threats now, having received a quadrillion of them. Why are these guys so insecure? What’s pinging on their mind so that they can’t survive in a civilized environment without reverting to their animal past?

Hell, what the heck is the matter with you guys?

Do you still see forests around, do you still pee on all corners of your domain to mark it as your own, and do you still beat on your chests and cry out in anger when someone enters your territory?

Tell me; just WHAT is the matter with you guys?

No one has taken anything away from you. What the rest was doing was supplying you with prestige that you lacked otherwise. You were being derided at, you were being laughed at, and they were trying to save you from the terrible predicament by bolstering your pride in yourself. You were down and out. They tried to instill confidence in you to come out of it with self esteem.

And still you think you are being played!

You are wrong. They have no personal animosity towards you. They are on your side guys; they are the stuff the society is made from. No one can play the society down and play themselves up.

No one is gonna help you in such situations!

Modernization

What would you say about a situation where hundred thousands of bucks are yearly spent for computerization and the equipment thus purchased with government money are tucked away in a cabin for safe keeping! The server is sitting idle and the hilarious efforts to LAN the computers within the small and cramped space of the cabin has produced unbelievable results. Though technically I am the overall supervisory entity in the establishment even my entry into it is arduously opposed by vested interests.

Only the “initiated” would ever dare to enter the sanctum sanctorum and operate on the ‘divine’ instruments. If a person like me enters the sacred space and tries to operate on one of the systems, several conscientious members of the establishment would overtly and covertly try to wean me away from the “holy” space!

I am trying to relocate the cabin itself as it seems to be a major hindrance in releasing dozens of imprisoned machines. Would you believe it, some of them are as old as ten years and have not been taken out of their packing yet! This is nothing short of criminal inactivity on the part of all concerned.

It is believably learned that the vested interests have approached black magicians to make me change my mind. I don’t know whether they are learned in their secret trade, but I am feeling rather dispirited about everything here.

This would only happen in this place I am in. It seems that whenever someone tries to bring these out and distribute them among the staff, someone kicks up a row and the threat to the damage to the machinery makes the persons in power hesitate about bringing them out.

No one can predict the way these strange and antediluvian specimens of humanity would act under any situations. There is a rule of terror in the whole area, the minute someone takes initiative to do something in the lines of common benefit the insecure lot would try to undermine it in any way they can. The common methods for it appear to be that of writing anonymous letters to all and sundry about the ‘activities’ of the all concerned. Failing that they would not hesitate to resort to violence to upstage anything they do not want.

Back to the middle ages

I am in a strange place where the breath of change never dares to venture. Perhaps I am in a dreamland or someone is playing tricks on my mind. I don’t know, everything looks normal on the outside, but the moment one tries to penetrate within the shell one discovers a bizarre realm where only self interest rules supreme.

May be I am inside some science fiction story where the protagonist was put on a time machine back to where we all started, where we only bothered about our rights and never cared about our responsibilities. I thought that age was long past; I thought this was a new age where people cared about themselves only in relation to society. I thought the new trend was to consider every advance of the society an advance on personal level for everyone in it. Alas, there seem to be places where such knowledge is scant in this era of changes.

This one is definitely such a place. I have been trying my level best to make things happen in this new scene. The things I was pushing for is already in existence everywhere in the world and especially in the domain I work in. I am a bit slow to understand happenings of this nature. Being a person with a decided intent I am mostly surprised when my efforts to bring it into being fail deplorably. I have never yet tried to make anything happen that is not time tested and instituted already by society and is proven to be beneficial for the people in general.

That could be the reason for my surprise. But in a sense in this old world scenario nothing should come as a surprise to me. There seems to be no rule of law in this bit of land. There is only the presence of brute force. I have already stated the reason why my life and the lives of my family were under threat because of an incident at the office. This was only a precursor to other things.

The members of the lower level staff come and go as they please.This is a touchy subject, one can't do a single thing about them. Well, at least in this they are very modern; they seem to be operating on the basis of a flexible type of time. The only thing is, they do not carry their work load to any place else, that is, the little work load that they have. What they want is free time at the expense of the state. They of course ask my permission to go out. Whether I grant it or not they would necessarily go out. So my permission in such cases are only incidental. Larger forces are naturally at work on the outside to monitor these developments. They have huge reserves of crocodile tears in store for them and would become belligerent if we go against them.

They have been probably granted permission to leave like that by certain functionaries of the most prominent employee’s organization in the area! I am not guessing. And these guys run the world as you know(!), whether they belong to the class four or whatever classes. One has to obey them or else one would learn it the hard way. Organized terror is the bane of every public institution.

Yet there is this thing, that if I give any one permission to go like that, the other group would immediately complain to all and sundry that such a thing was done and there would be questions about it. All in all its a nice situation to have. It might even go up to the highest level of the government. Both the groups in essence are working close together to undermine the effective functioning of the office. This affects every level of the office. What personal gain these fools have in acting against public interest is something I can’t understand.

You all thought that such things do not happen anymore in the world and they are the things of the past. Well how wrong you were. There are still unlighted pockets like this in the universe. It’s my luck to be ‘deported’ here. I feel like having materialized in the middle of heathens. I do not understand the language they speak; I do not know the activities they revel in. This is a deplorably outlandish world. Here people quote rules in English by the volumes to impress others but do not know how to do a thing for the welfare of their own state, district, village or whatever.

I have always believed that those who learn rules by heart are the most ruthless of criminals. They foresee a situation where it would come useful to them. Normal people do not need to do that, they do not need to break laws and most laws are self evident in the working of the society.

Some of the staff had proudly presented the old case files containing everything including assault of higher officials of this organization to me They are chilling. It shows the entire retrograde history of the institution. Those who showed it to me seems to be immeasurably proud of the ‘great deeds’ that has happened in this office.

I have recently begun to wonder what purpose this organization serves at all. A careful examination of the workings and history of the organization leaves a complete blank to look at. No useful work has been done by it for a long long time. None of the functions entrusted to it has been carried out. No one at the helm has been able to run it any manner in the last two decades. And I am honest to the core when I say that none would be able to run it in any way in the future too.

It’s simply the case of the fence eating the crop up. If it was not a government institution it would have been wounded up years ago. One should not say such things about the place one works in, but let me tell you these are barest skeletons of what happens inside the environment.