Chain Reaction

(Caricatures)

I knew it even before, I did not have to do it. But my “good half” would not have any of that. Se was adamant that I should be a government employee.

I was having it good then mind you. Had this paper distribution business and a cycle shop to boot. I was earning good money too. But she said the pennies earned in “service “is something else. I strongly suspect that she had her eye on the security side of the issue. She can’t run the paper business and the cycle shop if I croak by any chance. But she can sign on a ledger to receive government money. Women, my god women.

The strangest fact is that there was any number of supporters for her too. My own mother for instance.

Don’t be a fool, accept the job”

She does not know a single thing about the job; she is not even bothered too. But my woman has this trick of influencing others. She had my mother eating out of her hands. That was the strangest thing I ever saw. Yet I was thankful to the almighty. This talent of her keeps the house out of trouble. Of course the only one in trouble was to my self. I was not surprised when my mother seconded the wish of my wife. I had seen it coming.

Yet where was her enthusiasm when I was with her all those years before I got married? I had seen enough of money in my life. As for security I was sure that I had enough for my wife and children even if I was no more. May be they can’t live like millionaires’, but they can live all the same. But both would not have it.

I curse the moment I thought of applying for the post. Actually I had nothing to do with it. My cousin was in the Commission which conducts such tests. One day he brought this form for me to sign. I thought it was some trick of his to rope in some one instead of me. Such practices are not unheard of. I had forgotten all about it.

Then one day I got the call for the test. Oh it was not anything very tough. I am a paper distributor remember. I go through several dailies on a daily basis. I could even write much better tests than this. It was Childs play for me.

Who is the president of India?

Indira Gandhi of course. No need to ask at all.

American president (current)?

That was the only tough one. Who cares about the president of America? I blamed the commission for preparing the question paper in English. For gods sake the job was for peon category in government service.

We could answer it in our tongue of course.

I could have named the American president in a sec. It was on the tip of my tongue. But they wanted to know the “current” American President. This current has some business with electricity does it not? Luckily I knew some history. It was Edison who invented electricity for sure.

I thanked my stars for being so logical in my approach. Everybody else would have missed the question altogether. I wrote:

Thomas Alva Edison

After those answers, in I knew that they could not fail me.

They also tested whether we could ride a bicycle. I am a cycle mechanic, I cook up bicycles. I could even be called the inventor of the thing itself. It was dead easy and I was sure that I would get in first. It was then I started to become afraid. I was a happy bird up to now.

I intensely prayed on a daily basis not to pass. If I passed I would become like my neighbor, who does not stop talking about increment, pay revision and dearness allowance without a pause. Think of dreaming about a paltry increase of ten bucks when I make hundred already. You know, my belief is that it makes us small. Talk abut big money if you can, if you can’t keep your pretty mouth closed.

It was not anything wonderful that I got in. But my cousin could not save me from being posted as a watcher. Oh I go it changed the moment I entered the service. No more paper distribution and cycle repair for me. My carefully built business is going to the dogs. But the family looks satisfied now.

My woman is very proud when she has to say things like.

“ Chettan is about to start for the office you know.”

The office my foot! I hold the post of a chainman. You ask what the job of a chainman is. Well once we had to hold a chain to assist the surveyors for their survey work you know. But no one does it now. We have such things like the distometer now.

Is the work hard? My dear man, no one understands the procedure any more. We can’t even locate the survey stones any more. People have uprooted them and thrown away for good. So we have it easy. We use our imagination to do the survey and the draughtsman traces it on a piece of map. This only happens in once in a blue moon. And we get traveling allowance for it too. Well for the rest of the days we are at the office.

That is the most difficult part. You have to sit and sit till roots come out of your ass. Of course you are allowed to walk. But where could you walk? Here is this office space, if you want to move out of it you need permission, you get bloody tired of the sedentary job after a while you know. How long can warm your butt on a chair looking out through the windows to the out side world.

Then occasionally there would be the bells. One rang just now. But I am sitting firm. Some one else might go and get it. Some times you have to go when no one is around. They might give you some files to take to some one or other in the office. Make sure that it reaches nowhere in time. Place it some where else if you can. No ne would remember who carried it the next day and you ca n say that you nothing about it.

After some time of this people will become wise about you and will stop calling you for anything at all. Once you display enthusiasm in this job you are done for. You will the be considered the available power lifter in the department and everything will fall on your shoulders. It does not matter whether you can carry it or not. If something goes wrong somewhere you will be blamed for it every time.

Shifting responsibilities is the greatest trick you have to learn in the official line. Never accept any responsibilities. If you do, even the god would not be able to save you from hell.

There is that ring again. None of the others seems to be around. Well what to do, I have to go check what it is. I fantasize that it is a fire alarm and the whole wretched office is burning down.