About Lohithadas, movie maker

Movie Director and script writer Lohithadas died today due to cardiac arrest. I don’t know how old he was, the news did not state that, perhaps that’s nice too, artists have no age.

I feel sad about it, this guy had touched my heart in some ways, he had evoked wonder in me which most others, more renowned and capable, had failed to do. My delight was with the way he portrayed the human element on screen, bringing out the fleeting nuances of life with wonderful adroitness. It’s not easy to do that, to convey hidden layers of emotional experience in a visual medium.

Movies deal in images; images can be very suggestive, but not enough to go deeper than that. D.W.Griffith ( Very much in disfavor now because of the racial connotation of his movie “Birth of a nation” and his general sexist and old world attitudes) once remarked that the visual media cannot depict true philosophical content with what it can work with; there are limits to what images can convey. I do not remember the full contents of his essay but it seems to be more or less on that lines.

Those were the early days of movies, and Griffith was a pioneer in it. He is said to have invented the close-ups, trolley shots and parallel editing. He also proved that by cutting from a close up to the object of the characters thought the audience would assume the connection between the two. These may appear all too evident to the modern mind, but at that time they were nothing short of inventive.

May be Lohithadas knew about the aesthetics of film making or maybe he did not. But what he tried was to capture that which lay behind, in the sub conscious and unconscious levels of the mind, going beyond what movies could do. He seemed to have believed with Ingmar Bergman that,

"The sequence of pictures plays directly on our feelings. Music works in the same fashion' I would say that there is no art form that has so much in common with film as music. Both affect our emotions directly, not via the intellect."

Lohithadas certainly new about this inner music, he even tried to do the impossible in his scripts, to raise very subtle questions by relating and juxtaposing images and often winning hands down. Or that is what I feel by watching his movies. There was a subtle element in them, mostly indefinable, but eminently graspable. I can’t classify it in any manner. It seems to be his signature.

Other than his first movie Bhuuthakannadi (The Microscope) he did not really try anything artistic with his film making. He was working in the main stream and produced movies which entertained rather than aiming at sublimation. But there was always that difference in him, something introspective, something watchful and withdrawn. That came out all too evident in those movies he created.

He was a better writer than a movie maker. May be before he ventured into directing movies himself he was more exacting on the content of the story than the possibilities for its picturization. I believe he worked with the hidden parts of the mind then rather than that is visible on the outside. It was palpable to the audience, his scenes asked questions that everyone has asked sometimes.

This is not always realizable in a medium like the movies. He had gifted actors and technicians like Mamooty and Sibi Malayil who could bring them out in mind when he etched those nuances in his script.

I have heard that in his scripts everything would be written down to their last details, he was not merely creating a movie script, he was trying to bring out deeper layers of meanings with it . This was impossible without minute attention to details. He must have known the dictum

"...however tiny and however short the pieces of film are- they must be written down in just the same a composer writes down those little black dots from which we get beautiful sound."

He worked with subconscious or unconscious nuances of experience that had direct access to our hearts. He was not what you call an intellectual; he was raw man, a restless man, but a very artistic one.

It’s sad that he is no more now.

Visitors

FICTION



Now that you are with me here, I am going to confide in you, I have been to that place and it was full of grapes.

You think it’s funny, well laugh, that’s what you are here for, I shall tell you again, I have been to that place and its full of grapes…..

No no not rapes( how can you think of that), but grapes, you know the kind of stuff you buy from fruit stalls, its like small pebbles, some dark and some green, some are with stones and some are stone less.

Perhaps you are not familiar with them. You are?

No I am not being funny, I have seen people who have not seen grapes in their lives, can you imagine that, there are all sorts of people in this world.

Now don’t tell me that you have a stone! You have? I guessed as much. No offense meant, I was not referring to it to gain attention, some people have these, stones, it’s not a sin. You haven’t heard of the Bezoars Stones have you? I thought so; they are too expensive, used in all sorts of magic.

You don’t want any? That’s alright, I am not running a business of it, it’s just that people come to me for all kinds of things, we can’t disappoint everybody, they expect it of me you know, now take your own case, were you clear in your mind that you were going to sit in this chair this day and asking me about Bezoar stones., I bet you were not……

(Lowering Voice) it’s good for that too……!

I thought you would understand, It is important isn’t it, your stone is giving you trouble, I can guess, Oh I see all sorts of people in the world, some comes to me with all kinds of problems, Trans… you know what they come too. It’s a job, you think they are not worried about life, none are more worried.

There all sorts of hopeless affairs, the head would reel just thinking of it.
You see these gem stones, some come for them too; between ourselves they are not much good if you don’t know what they are about. It’s all about energy fields you know; they have the property to enhance your energy levels, I can tell you many things about them, you need not believe them, but there are moments in life isn’t there when you would give anything to be safe and secure. May be they just push up the level of your confidence?

That too would come in handy, it’s all a make belief, we tell certain things to ourselves and they sort of acts on us in a good way. But we don’t do it always, do we; we are too much perturbed to take a stand. You see I have been around, that’s what you call experience.

All of us need some sort of a prop, something to lean on, now the people around us, I shall be frank with you, they are all terribly self involved, they wouldn’t care a hoot if anything happens to you.

But the stones, don’t think they are inanimate, they are not, they have energy and world is nothing but energy, if I may go as forward to say so. You are an educated individual you know it to be the truth.

They care about you. They get you the energies that you most need, would anybody else do it for you. Well who was it that sent you to me. No one? That’s alright, you can come on your own too, no problems on that count. I am always busy you see, that’s why I asked.

So you don’t need stones? You came to kill me? That’s all right too, would you mind if I sort of prepare for the ordeal, it’s tough you know, to suddenly leave this world with everything you cherish in it. But all the same I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, can you wait for a moment till I freshen up, this has been a hectic day you know, there were several visitors. You would not mind if I pack these things up, too valuable to leave scattered about.

Yes I will be back in moment, there is an ante room to this one, be back in a jiffy.

(In the other room)

Yes, yes, looks perfectly normal, no not violent, yes certainly disturbed, any way come quick, he is not leaving by himself. No I can handle it. No I am not scared really, but be quick about it…………

A flawed process

May be the rabbit fell through the girl, or maybe it’s the other way round……..

Well Louis which way was it?

Sigmund had met him out in the desert digging burrows, he looked thoroughly human. There was nothing bunny- like in him. He doesn’t own a watch probably. But Sigmund knew the genus. It was obvious to a fault, the dreamer, a surrealist.

Louis was not flattered. He politely guffawed and remarked scratching his ear with his paws:

Some say if you dig deep enough you would reach the other side of the world.

It’s not a question of depth Louis, Sigmund corrected him, it’s a question of length, and that too if you don’t follow the Wedge theory.

Well what if do, for instance?

Louis stood up and stretched, raising his eyebrows at a wicked angle to Sigmund’s face. His face was as smooth as the pale noon sky. Sigmund put a pair of eyebrows on the horizon and watched the wrinkle spreading over the sky.

Wonderful touch, he congratulated himself. Surely one can extend it further, like deflating the sky and coiling it up. Colors are no, no. A grainy paleness could be lovely.

He informed Louis:
In that case you wouldn’t know if there is other side. May be it turtles all the way down.

Like the old lady said?

Louis is well read, Sigmund learned, nice in a mammal which could multiply exponentially. He dismissed the topic out of sight saying.

Or Russell was being inventive.

Louis appeared to be thinking hard and reciting psalms at this point. It was pleasant seeing the sudden light of illumination spreading over the guys face. If a face could say hurrah without really uttering it Louis did it at that moment.

Well what about the Sun and Moon peeking out and slinking off. Proves it’s globular doesn’t it?

Sigmund became all reverential. May be it was all fake. But he could not decide it then. He was saying:

God can do wondrous things; didn’t he make the world in seven days?

Louis again guffawed. Sigmund could not divine the source of this merriment. God is all serious stuff, or so he had gathered. Better not go heehaw about it. But all the same he had a little doubt too, why do the tiny-tots smile in their sleep? There is some mystery somewhere out there.

But now Louis was being intelligent again.

Moot question, can there be day before sun and the terra firma?

You are obsessively rational aren’t you? Sigmund asked irritated. I expected it least from you. Anyway how is Alice?

What has she to do with it?

Sigmund laughed.

I was inserting a wedge.

I realize that, but it’s not in good taste. She is all right sinking and coming up every now and then.

By the way that was something nasty wasn’t there, I mean in the earlier part?

Sigmund smiled and refused to be baited. One thing at a time Louis, one thing at a time, he also thought Louis had played the words back at him. That was definitely below the belt.

The guy is shooting down my three contributions to the theory. Nice try Lou boy, but you need to be better at it, may be Emma could have succeeded.

But, it may be because of inversion in Louis too. That was a nice thought and he looked at Louis with sudden interest. Flabby fellow, little exercise and lots of imagination, not very muscular, could be congenital or could be acquired.

Louis laughed.

I like that intensity Doktor, but not that line of analysis…you are stupid sensual. May be that’s congenital too?

Sigmund has the skin of a rhinoceros, yet he colored a little. Louis is a mind reader. Any way according to his analysis everyone has to color, shame is primary.

The man is defensive. Sigmund thought. Definitely there is something in it. Where could be the genesis, or the realization? He does not seem to be the intellectual type, little chance of excitation there; probably its mechanical in origin, the guy looks the type, one who likes to rub himself over.

Sultry climate, Sigmund remarked, could do with a massage. Any of them around, I mean masseur.

I am one. Lois said.

Sigmund shuddered thinking of the fat fingers crawling over his spine.

No thanks, I wouldn’t think of inconveniencing you.

Oh c’mon doctor, there is no meanness in me.

Sigmund thought for a while.

You make burrows. He said. You don’t live in this world.

I do doctor, just like you do. We both weave fantasies.

Sigmund looked at him curiously. There is a point in what he says. Reason is like a paper boat on the sea of unknown, yes we could be both sailors.

There is process involved here Lou, he now said hopefully.

It’s a dead structure isn’t it?

What about your game? Does it have even a structure?
See doc, I go with the flow, who can tell if I am wrong, I mean isn’t intuition the right thing, more reliable, more near to truth?

Can’t say, it’s too much relying on the unknown to my mind.

But Sigmund had this doubt whether he had enough faith in what he was saying. Isn’t primal urges more near the truth?

He needed to think about it, to make it legible, more precise.

That’s your fault. Louis laughed mirthlessly. You are like a brick layer; placing stones one after another to suit a pre conceived design.

Hell Sigmund said.

That’s more like it. Louis nodded, that’s more like it, that’s raw, that’s rooted, totally yours.

Sigmund was shocked.

That’s a good angle. He thought but I need to……

Let us leave Lois and Sigmund to discover themselves, may be they never will.

Is there anything definite in the world?

The scariest one hour of my life

I have been in one or two scrapes in my life, but had taken it coolly. There were certain occasions where I came face to face with our perennial foe, the death itself. If not with a smile I had come out of them pretty confident.

I am not proud of the fact, fear is fear, and death is death, facing them are not easy for the best among us. I was only relieved I could pull through them without much damage.

But the one occasion I was really frightened was when I was playing a cricket match in my twentieth year or so. We had a club back home and played in whatever tournaments we could qualify into. I was only a visiting player to the team, being not a regular member because I did not stay there all the time. My younger brother who was a regular was a quickie and could drive the fear of god into any one on his days. I was an all-rounder, could bat a bit and bowl a bit.

On this occasion the match was away from home and we had reached the place late and with only nine players. The others were to reach the place within minutes. The bye law stated that we had to play under any circumstances and start the game on time or we would be disqualified. Both the captains went in to toss.

One could not play a cricket match with just 9 players in the highly competitive environment of a tournament. Our opponents were a set team which have only lost a few matches and were the current leaders in the tournament. So I approached the captain of the other team after the toss and asked him to let us bat first so that our other players could play when they reach the ground.

He refused it out right. I tried to talk sense into him, saying that we are not a match for them in our then depleted sate and we could not field with only 9 members. He refused to hear me out and told us that he was batting first. That captain was no fool. Though his team was superior to us in all departments of the game he was not going to let go of the advantage of having a member team to play against.

I was a hot headed guy then and did not believe in keeping things to myself. I declared open war on them and went into the field incensed to the core. The others in the team was not as vocal as me but shared my disappointment. You have heard about sledging haven’t you? The Aussies were the world leaders in it some time back before new rules were introduced. In this land it’s only a rumor and other than good natured banter nothing goes on between two teams on a cricket field in this land.

But on this day I took things in my hand and I am sorry to say that was very very nasty to the opposing batsmen. I would stand at the slips and would jeer, taunt, criticize the opposing batsmen on their stance, their technique, their runs between the wickets, their physiognomic features even. I was in a pretty nasty mood and must have behaved disgracefully. Our opening bowlers were real quickies and one was my brother. He was dead accurate and the other guy was fierce with a long run up but mostly spraying the ball all over with no control.

I would make snide remarks about the way people are knocked out by balls and never recovered. We were playing on a matted wicket that is a long mat was fixed on the grass and was used as the playing surface. Only those who have played on them would realize the terror and danger of playing in an uneven matted wicket. We used the regular red balls then. In the blazing sun they would draw a red line from the hands of the bowler to the stumps. Those were the days when helmets were scarce and most of us batted without them.

I would walk up to the batsmen and would drop some remark that they were not to worry if they got hit, we would carry them home. My brother is tall and has a very straight steady run up. I would murmur in a stage whisper to the batsman as he runs in, this is it boy, you have had it. Now their opening batsmen had been in the habit of forming century partnerships whenever they went on a cricket field.

We got rid of one with sheer terror tactics. Then their captain came on the field. He was their best batsman; I hinted that he would not leave the field. The poor guy got so terrified that he took to his heels when my brother was at the point of delivering the ball. Any way they fared very badly in the match. I was so wicked that I made the whole crowd against us by the time we bowled them out. Because of the terror exerted by the earlier bowlers I collected a five wicket haul in the match too. The poor guys could only score 125 runs.

Then began the real adventure, they had wonderfully accurate tall and incensed bowlers with them. When we went in to bat, the first three was brought out in stretchers. I was slated to go in four down. Honest to god I went into hiding. The other team members came in search for me saying that I only could do something. I refused saying that I am too tired to go in after my tremendous effort at bowling. Another wicket fell and our captain went in my stead. We had only scored ten or twelve by then, mostly in snicks.

Then another one fell, it seemed that the match would be over soon, we only had 9 players and the match was only five over’s old. I had to go in.

I had no helmet, the sun was blitzing overhead, and I could sense the suspense in the crowd and the opposing players. It seemed the whole world was against me and I was walking in to my own execution. I tried to console myself that it was not so bad out there; they could not have pace to rattle me.

I need not have worried, if they hadn’t the pace for anything else, they would have generated it against me. For the next sixty minutes I had the iron driven into my soul. To this date I had never faced anything of the like before, they were a pack of maniacs thirsting for my blood, the balls came with my name on it. I ducked and swayed, weaved in and out of the line of the ball and sometimes jumped out of the way because I could not run away, though every cell in my body wanted very much to run.

I was never a good hooker of the ball, that was the only way to deal with such stuff, but I doubt it very much if the great Mohinder Amarnath could have done it in that sort of circumstances. The balls would be propelled like cannon balls with fuse burning in them towards me; they would strike the lethal mat and would explode in my face with primordial hatred encoded in every molecule of them. The crowd cheered them on.

There were terrible fires burning within my head, we had only two more players to come on, if only I could get rid of their first three deadly bowlers I could have made a semblance of resistance. As it was, we were going in for a total disgrace.

So I gritted my teeth, swore, bellowed, roared, struck the bat on my pads, glared at my opponents, cussed them, feigned as if to get in line with the ball and swung my bat hard at the passing ball. I acted totally crazy. I am ashamed to admit that with all that show going on I had never intended to get in line with the balls which were all high quality body line bouncers aimed to kill or maim, it was calculated to show the opponents that I was not afraid, but in fact every inch of my body was shaking like hell.

If they had bowled sensibly they would have bowled me out, not a single ball was pitched on a good length on the stumps, if they had done it they could have uprooted my stumps anytime, I was not on a regular stance, I was standing up and square to face the bouncers, to have the advantage of my height over the ball to spot and evade them. But they were too incensed, too thirsty for my blood that they forgot they were out there to win the match.

Though it took some doing I finally got rid of the fiercest of the lot with the help of the tenacity of my captain at the other end. He was all bruised after the match. I got hit a few times too, not anywhere dangerous. After that I could chance my arms and got a few runs. Strangely I had got the spectators on my side then. People love a guy who shows visible guts in the face of real danger. They cheered every run I made and came to congratulate me after the game. I could take the dangerous bowlers to task when they came on a second time.

To cut a long story short we won the match with over’s and a wicket to spare. I could not sleep that night, not because of any elation at the win but I was too worked up and agitated even to sleep.

It still remains the scariest single hour I spent on the face of the earth.

Commitment

Am I socially committed? Lord I would rather be murdered first! Did I shock you? I know I did, it was only half in jest, conventions dictate that you should be shocked, yet NO, I am not an anarchist, that is, in the sense the word is used by the anarchists. It may be true that I share their dislike for God, state and religion as they exist (in our minds) today. But I haven’t lost hope in two of them-God and Society, although I have no sympathy for the society as it is now. Most of you, whether you like society or not, might not be well disposed towards god and I don’t wonder at it. The old guy has not been of real help to us over the years.

But the god I am talking of is different, on the outer level it is the sum total of everything we hold dear in our lives, the value system, beliefs, finer feelings and everything that you may call godly in you for want of a better word. On the inner level my definition of god is totally revolutionary and it contains everything that you are. Some may call it a vague definition. I am not really defining god here, I am doing something even better, I am pointing a way to find god and you can learn it from my previous posts.

I am sure that all of you can find god even without resorting to any religious practices. Please note that I am not denigrating the finer elements in religion here, there are finer elements in everything, but they all get clouded by the structure in which they are shut up. Instead of liberating us they trample us underfoot. None of the established religions can save you, study the lives of any saint, all have gone beyond the strictures imposed by their faith in search of truth. Have you ever thought why it is so; have you ever thought why Jesus told the world that his kingdom is not of this world?

It isn’t of this world, but what he didn’t say is that it includes this world in it as well. He could not say that to a bunch of stupid people who goes by the strictures of Talmud and cannot think straight. I know that some may take umbrage at this, but people, jump out of those darkened caves inside your heart, take a look around and see the world for what it is.

It is happening right before you, people are being led into traps they can never come out of, they are being mentally castrated, they are being traded and subjugated, every code, every book is being made use of in this terrible man hunt. Learn that all systems of beliefs are regressive, they instill subordination, they make you obey, they don’t lead you forward.

This is why intellectuals are the most obedient people in the world, they work with data, and that data is provided by the system, every intricate point that you learn makes you more obedient, makes you more docile, it takes away the capacity to react as a human being, it curbs wonder, it provides answers for all your questions. It plants you inside a mental fortress from which you can never escape.

You can control intellectuals like you control dogs with a piece of bone or a lump of sugar. They would never believe that they are being controlled; they would think that they are acting out of their own volition. They only generate thoughts for their masters, both hidden and evident. Every time I think on this it calls back the words of Hitler to my mind. He openly stated that 99 percentage of the population is like women, they can be led, they can be told to do things and they would gladly do that.

Did you know what was the excuse offered by most of those tried in Nuremberg after the WW II? They said that they were only taking orders. Some of you may think that Hitler was a total idiot and a fanatic, he may have been, but he had learned one thing right, that the people require a master and he consciously became that.

It is this weakness among the humans that I am afraid of, this willingness to follow the leader, this frantic desire for a host mechanism, this total submission. You think that only the ‘weirdo’s’ desires such things don’t you, you are wrong, everyone would follow a leader if he is forceful enough. It is easier to justify something than make something on your own. This is a perennial weakness of the human mind.

The human mind yearns for something to lean on; it wants to forget its insignificance and would like to bask in reflected glory. This is why people run to religion and such other systems of thought that there is out there which promises salvation. This goes for the materialist and the idealists, the idealist promise the heaven up above and the materialists promise the heave below. Both lull the fear of isolation in the human heart. They can’t think out of the hat, though they mouth these words incessantly. The inflow towards religion all over the world now is the failure of a dependable substitute, People want to be comforted, patted on the back and looked after. Even if these are provided invisibly they would be satisfied.

Hence they run to religion.

Yet really religion is a totally fucked up institution. It has out grown its usages and it relevance. But the alarming fact is that people are being attracted to religion by hoards. The world has not been able to replace religion with anything that people can really believe in. The people have not unfortunately grown. They did not grow with the growth of civilization. Only internal changes could make people grow; only an inner revolution could make people break the shackles imposed by their conditioning. But the religions would not allow that. The people who run them have several things to lose by doing that.

If I could I would wipe the entire religiosie out I would do it this moment if I can. It has to be done to cleanse the world.

But the fuckers are too entrenched, too dug in, and there are enough dolts in the world who believes every word that’s uttered by these Beelzebub’s. If anyone speaks against these perverts their followers would rise up in arms and would start murdering you right and left. I can’t even blame them unfortunately; they are totally fucked up and frightened. They don’t know what to do and they flock to the first group which assures them that they would take care of them come what may. I can’t gain say the words of Marx, religion is the opium of the masses, though later Marxism itself started exhibiting the characteristics of a religion. It has even chapels where they place flowers and incense now. Look at the terrible servility to the earlier modes of culture.

Now about social commitment, think for a moment what are you committing into, to serve a society that’s robbing you off every bit of your self-respect, that’s stripping you bare, that’s invading your very inner lives, that’s derailing your privacy, that’s converting you into a machine rather than a human being. You know there is vast data base on every human being on earth, and any one of them can be monitored and controlled by those in power at any point of their lives.

Some may think this is paranoia, let’s admit that possibility even, all the conspiracy theorists could be paranoid, but a brief survey of the weaponry now in existence would make any sane person doubt their very sanity. Those who criticize these doubting souls are a protected lot. They are protected by their very ignorance. They haven’t been fighting with this machinery of annihilation. Let them try it once as a challenge.

Let them think to themselves, I am doing it as an experiment to try to find out whether there is anything in what these conspiracy theory idiots say. I shall go against certain deplorable actions of establishment and shall carefully note down everything that occurs all the while I am at it. This is a free society is it not, one has freedom of opinion, to express ones ideas, one can move about in one’s own country and in the world and engage oneself in any activity that one chooses provided that it’s not criminal in nature and are not hurtful to others.

Try this and you will soon find out, take up the case of any subjugated group, people, or individuals. Go actively into their affairs, try giving them help. Initially there would only be threats, innuendos, suggestions etc. Soon the cat will be out of the box. You will start to feel insecure, your friends would mysteriously disappear from your lives, your resources would dry up, you would begin to perceive hidden aspects of the outwardly enjoyable world.

You might lose everything you have in that struggle too, you would also become paranoid, you would also start seeing strange things happen around you. The world is not all glitter and polish as you perceive it now, you were only perceived the tip of an iceberg till today. There are things underneath which would make the bravest sweat blood.

But then why should you do it? Why should you make your life hell, why should you lose chances of playing up to the current protectors and fore go the benefits of their wonderful grace? Well no reason at all, but then how can you criticize others without sharing their experiences. How do you decide that they are wrong? Do you go by an opinion poll, then what is your role in it, just rising your hands on the basis of a gut feeling? Or do you go by the words of a few, then what is the difference between them and the doubting Thomas’s, what makes them more informed than these, both are few in number aren’t they, or do you go by the words of those in power? Then what is the need for democracy if you can’t question your rulers?

So on whose side am I?

At one time in my land everyone had to answer this question.

Which side are you on?

It was not multiple choice, it had only one answer.

And you know what that is.

Anyway, luckily I was born long afterwards and hence could subsist without answering this question.

But at all times in your life you are compelled to take sides.

You might know what side I am on by this time. As far as my activities on the net are concerned, I am on my side.

Don’t laugh or screw your face up in disgust, both sides. I am being dead serious here. First hear me out…..

This I am is not the individual I am, maybe there are people discerning enough to understand that. It’s the universal I am. Wait, there is no mystical bullshit attached to it at this level of discussion. Don’t think that I am afraid of ‘mysticulating’ at anytime, I am not. Only the very dumb would think that the spiritual is not compatible with the progressive.

So let us talk of this I am of mine. It may have other aspects to it on other levels but here it is suggested as a workable idea for effecting modification in the human psyche.

You can call it the emerging universal consciousness or it may have been there all the while. Our conception of time as a linear event may not be valid.

So being on my side does not make me the enemy, and one to be constantly monitored. There are things happening out there my friends and enemies, of which we are only dimly aware.

But one thing is evident. Everyone is bound, shackled and tied up. There is no oppression like that to my mind. This happens with both the sides and it is reprehensible.

Now wait a second. Don’t get on a pedestal and complain “But we are humanists” You have no claim to the title in exclusion to everyone else. Every one is a humanist, even to the meanest of us; it operates in different ways with different people.
Even the Rothschild’s are humanists in the sense that they love their off spring like everybody else. No one wants power for themselves alone. They fantasize about power in a human background.

Human beings are not human programmed mechanical toys to follow a certain preset protocol all the time. Humans are a vibrant organism, an evolving organism. It can’t be put behind bars and curbed from reaching out into the realm of the unknown.
There have been stupid blunders like that before, it crumbled even empires. Just look around and you will see them.

So desist from this frantic desire for control. It comes out of fear, not out of anything creative.

I have seen absolute dolts put in place by the most ‘humanist’ of organizations, the reason? Obedience, those that can think and be creative could ask questions. The result could be imagined, total loss of control. Puppets can’t create freedom. It’s a paradox that we are seeing now. Everyone is shouting freedom at the top of their voice, because they want the cries from their camp to go unnoticed.

I don’t approve of servility; I thought we had put an end to slavery for all times on this globe. But I see its various forms all round me.

I can’t see any good coming from, God, state and Society as they are conceived today. But I can’t advocate anarchy. The only thing that we can destroy comparatively easily is God. But the other too machineries are lethal and perennial. No amount of wailing is going to dispel them from our lives.

The only option remaining is to function from within these frameworks and try to modify it gradually.

It’s no easy job, all the other methods have failed, and there is no use in resorting to the external mechanics anymore. There are too many variables, and the basis on which they were launched has once has crumbled, that basis in no more reliable.

So the only option is working from the inner to the outer. This is not a single man’s job.

At present what I am seeing is a very bleak picture. The remedy for this is not optimism. It is faith, faith in the evolving universal consciousness, faith in one’s own internal freedom, faith in one’s own self. It’s that which is going to create a new world and nothing else. The struggle for existence has turned inwards and is being fought within the mind. This has to be understood above all.

We can’t any more function with ideologies; most of them are outdated, we need to band together to form a new alliance on the psychic level. This psychic is not the psychic of the old. It’s a link formed within the mind, a creative link, which works towards freedom of the whole race.

We need to reclaim our autonomy.

So on whose side am I? I am on the side of man, not the man in the abstract, not the man divided into classes as of old, but individual man of today who is fighting a bloody war within the mind for his survival and without knowing it.

I can’t do much. But will try to do what I can. All systems of thought, all structures out there are restrictive, they instill obedience rather than enlightenment. Even my efforts to break out of the clutches of the accepted manner of presenting matter may be due to that.

Demons do laugh

Now I was alone with the demon, I had sent all my friends away and I was feeling surprisingly enervated.

They wanted to know why I was sending them away. I felt a little ashamed of myself too for feeling so weak. Do I feel sad when I look into their youthful faces, and see their loyal fervor? I wonder sometimes, may be a little, its not envy, it’s a spent feeling, something like a deep tiredness. Was it a feeling of defeat? Not so, I have had a full life, I have drunk of a full cup as they say.

I said to their sweet faces.

I am an old man; old men need time for reflection. My mind is not as quick as it was before.

They did not believe me of course and laughed.

You are even younger than us. They roared.

No my friends, you love me so, so you do not see the weakness stealing over me by stealth.

Oh sage, you have become a poet in old age. You have deserted Sophia.

I smiled. Their enthusiasm was catching. Only the broad shouldered one was meditatively smiling. He is always calm, that one, dreaming of great things. He would look after these children after I am no more.

I sighed. I love them all, much more than my own children. They are the light of the future. From them would come the great ages of this small island.

But I am out of it. There is nothing more in me worth giving.

It was not a lie. Age slows your faculties down; age can sometimes be a bore too and whispers weaknesses into your ear, making you falter, and building up toxicity in you, both in the blood and in the mind. It hangs on to you by your skin and the skin loosens and makes others smile at you in derision. You can’t even smile back with dignity, for the age has knocked your teeth out.

Once I could carry a heavy man leagues from were I picked him up, on my shoulders, and not even pause for breath. I carried Xenophon thus and he seems still grateful for it. I had fought for Athens in my time I think, with some valor too. I was not as lazy and fragile as I am today.

I felt a strange pleasure. I had not spent my youth in vain.

Though a little unhappy with my decision they seemed satisfied with my explanation and had left inviting me to their houses for the evening meal. I said mischievously.

I shall be dining with my woman today.

Most of them smiled thinking of the adventure, and Apolodorus said with enthusiasm. I shall go and help her to prepare it. You can all come too.

I feel breathless when I think of the boy. Such unspoiled good nature, it’s a rare thing to have, a sad thing to have too.

Cato often says. You seem to like the unthinking more.

Cato is a nice boy, a little impetuous perhaps. Artlessness is not a sin, he doesn’t know that. The bright somehow dislikes it; maybe it’s a distrust of something which they can’t find in themselves.

As I settled down on the broken steps leading to the academy I thought about the sweet youth who had just left. It was about evening, a pale ethereal light was playing around. The day looked wan too, even the sky seemed sadly gray.

You should have kept them. The demon said. They have youthful energy, you could part take of it.

And be called a vampire? I laughed.

The demon did not respond, it was silent for a long time. May be it is feeling tired too.

They are about to call you to council. It said.

I have heard as much.

Do you know the charges?

Of introducing new deities?

And corrupting the youth.

I won’t plead guilty.

You know what will happen won’t you?

Yes, there is Anyutus in the council.

The demon also knew it was decided. You have to prepare your defense. The demon now said.

My life is my defense.

Only that none in this time would realize it.

What does it matter? Living a full life is what matters. I shall leave everything to posterity.

The dusk came. We had been quite for a long while. I had not been thinking but drinking in the scent of life from the air. It felt very pleasant; lately I had forgotten the pleasure of doing nothing. It’s a luxury that one can’t afford always.
The sky was filled with colors and they delighted me now. Mostly I don’t see it being too involved with my friends and my mind. May be I am becoming poetic at this late stage in my life as they accused of me just now.

I said to my demon rising.

We have to face an ordeal graver than the one you just mentioned before the day is over.

The demons don’t laugh, but there was a pleasant sensation inside me. Perhaps it was really laughing.

Connections

Life Incidents




Thoonu smiled at me quite angelically; there were stardust and rainbows in it. She was resplendent, quite composed and assured.

She had achieved her aim; she had brought a government order directing all the government institutions to throw out temporary hands the moment Public Service Commission hands reports for duty, for me to see and comment. I looked at it and decided to play along.

I asked:

Can we dismiss Namja and Cheeru with it?

Both the mouthy darlings were temporarily with a project that our office is supervising. They have no business in the Office, but are retained there and go about as if everything in the office is their ancestral property. They are being paid pittances and could not live on it. They are just slaves and are brainwashed into everything unseemly, including acting against me.

I have seen others employing them in certain other ways, or seemingly employing them in that way. It’s all a charade inside the office now, so one can’t believe what one sees with one’s own eyes. I am consoling myself with this thought. Well I know that human body has many uses, but to use it as a rubbish dump is not something I approve of. Anyway they have become indispensible to them so I wondered at this sudden change of stance. May be they were getting too used up to be considered necessary anymore.

I have compassion for them too, in a way that is. They are bad through and through and would do anything for a few bucks. The younger the age the more immoral they become, it seems. Don’t mistake me, I have nothing against any practice as long as they are done in the true spirit of love, otherwise it’s only a commercial adventure.

I have also seen them reading x rated magazines quite openly inside the office and feigning great pleasure in it and with promptings from others. A guy named Asharto is supplying the ‘” unholy” stuff to them. May be he is acting as their go between. He is a staunch Catholic and invites all sorts of religious leech’s insides all the time.

Maybe they are just faking reading them to make me disgusted. But I have gone a little deeper towards the truth than they ever can and would not be troubled by such displays. I am only sorry that the imbeciles had to bow so low to have their revenge against me.

Anyway it seems that Thoonu was after something else this time. She was targeting my dislike for Karuppachan and was praying all her gods that I would say something on the line. But not being as intelligent as she is and the perps are I failed to perceive it. Yet being very persistent she became more direct.

Do you think Karuppachan would be dismissed if the PSC hand comes?

She now asked, naturally expecting that I would take the bait. My present policy is to take all such baits and respond in the manner they like. I consider them as good opportunities to rub some salt into those that are completely anti-people.

I gave it a go and she as well as the other poor perps was highly satisfied. They have achieved their aim of making me utter things which would incense Karuppachan and would make him react against me. Every move in this game is preplanned. The copy of the ancient order is supplied to Thoonu by the perps and Karuppachchan was previously briefed about it.

He would take it up tomorrow and start mouthing words which are put there by the perps. As I have made remarks against the other inconsequentials they would be in the fray too. I am planning to record the tirades.

Anyway, in exchange for my outburst Thoonu was kind to inform me that such and such persons were taking bribes and that is why files are moving quite fast in the Office. I said some nice things about those bastards too, fully well knowing Thoonu was baiting me.

Well tomorrow would be the big day for the perps and their slaves. I gave out to Thoonu that I am expecting as much. Thoonu sat for a little while munching things over and left her seat to inform the major perps about it. I like to have things my way all the time and am never remiss in putting a spanner in the perps wheels. Well soon afterwards Pappedathy paid me a visit. I felt delighted.

She is in some other office at present but is considered to be the think tank of the perps. The activities of the perps were reaching a crescendo for about a few weeks now. They fear that I am to get a promotion in the near future and they would rather die than see it happen. So they were on an all out attack to make me quit everything and leave.

Their terror is natural; you cannot have a more dangerous adversary than me in your life. Once anything is decided in my mind I would make it happen. If I am against any one (Let it be any one in the wide universe, their power, position, stature, influence, wealth etc would be of no importance. That would not stop me in getting into them true and proper) they would be dealt severely with, and it would not stop even if they cry out for god’s mercy. There would not be any quarters on offer, no pity will be shown, and no charity will be evident on my part.

But it will only be done if it’s the sole option. In the case of my perps I had tried to be friends with them for over a period of three long years after returning to this station as they had posted me elsewhere, even putting my prospects in jeopardy.

But I had decided to carry no animosity and had decided to behave as if we have been great friends all along. I am not a guy to dissemble, and am open about everything I do, have never acted against any one in a way to rob them of their livelihood or put hurdles in any their path, even of the worst among the human race.

But none of these overtures registered with them, they did not want my output, they did not want my sincerity, they did not want my friendship. They wanted me out, they wanted to have the freedom to do whatever they wished without having to go in fear of my reaction to the base things that they do, and they were waiting for an opportune time.

They thought I was being docile out of fright, that I feared them and their organizations. The moment their “people” got the rule back they started going at me in right earnest. They thought it would be easy that I would buckle under pressure. They thought an elected government is their private property and would do everything they wished it to do. May be it would, there are things coming out which do not add luster to any regime.

But they guessed wrong. I would have taken the least friction ridden path in life if it is on offer; there are other things to do with my life than fight imbeciles every step of the way. But they left me with no options. There is a saying, you should only bend and not break things. They broke me with their idiotic insensitivity.

I painfully realized that they are out to ruin my life and I can’t draw back now. But even then before going any further I tried to repeatedly warn them to let me be, that I mean no harm to them, that they should not push me into places from which there is no coming back for all.

But they laughed it away, and went on with their attacks, these were bestial, they did not stop at anything, they would drag everyone connected to me to it. So that was that. The games had progressed even to electronic harassment. I had to put my foot down then and there is no more of it now.

Their open attacks are still continuing. The event described is the current high note in it. I help them all the way too. I play up to them for the fun of it. They produce deviants, prostitutes, terrorists, lunatics, lechers, quarrelsome people, imbeciles, beggars, lepers, politicians, astrologers, clergy etc in a stream and pit them against me to upset me and make me run. They were pinning their hopes on the middleclass morality that I may have.

They would have succeeded in every other case, but in mine they reckoned without my knowledge of the subtler aspects of existence. I have seen things which prove evil as well as the good have little relevance in the real scheme of things. I can take the so called sublime and the so called evil in my stride and spurn both with impunity.

Now I watch their every move with delight and I help them in bringing it to fruition. Today itself, I sang a few innocent ditties on and off, sending the perps telepathic suggestions that these were about them. As I have mentioned previously too I can get into their heads as easily as entering an open field and they can’t do anything about it.

They panicked and started calling every one of their friends outside. People streamed into the Office from all walks of life, seeking me out.

There would be exasperated stage whispers by them. “This guy”, “Don’t know the danger”, “He doesn’t seem to learn” . (All this because I sang “Twinkle twinkle little star” a few times? They were out to make me neurotic and ended up being neurotic themselves.)

Then there were the power guys who faked that they had to disconnect the power supply because we haven’t paid the charges in time.

Though I have nothing to do about it, they seek me out and start haranguing about the necessity of looking into it myself. The main guy got so worked up in the process that he started shaking all over, all this in vain for we never fault there because there are “files” to go. You get my point I hope? There is vested interest inside the office that would pay the amount out of their own pockets rather than have the power disconnected.

“You need to serve the people, no?”

I told them to disconnect the supply if they feel like it and that threw the main guy into a fit of apoplexy, he became incoherent and livid and jittery. It is my belief is that the guy has little more to live. May the god rest his soul! He thinks the whole world as his own and everything in it is his own personal property. He is in the “Union” it seems. They own the world. Tax payers like us are mere non essentials.

Then they made the whole bunch in the project to come to the office and make a din for some time. These were all for my benefit I gather. There is one supposed good looker in them and one “light eyed” boy too. These slaves are forced to make ‘passes’ at me, can you believe this. Luckily I can view all this dispassionately while taking it all in.

I enjoyed it all. Even the final appearance of Pappedathy. She had previously contrived to send some of his official details to the A/G and the Treasury with my knowledge while instructing others to make it appear that they are not sent. Now she starts complaining about the little attention that I have paid to their safe delivery.

The game continues. Tomorrow either the perps would buckle down or would go totally berserk.

I will let you know of it later. Anyway I would be sorry if they buckle down. I like them to be active twenty for hours a day, thinking of me. I am terribly egotistical that regard. I want people who dislike me to think of me all the time!

Won’t you think of me perps? But don’t go all rosy and feverish when you see me. You are my very own, though you haven’t realized it yet. Our connections go back to earlier births. I was your master then, I still am, and you would come to realize it slowly, but surely.

Forsake everything my dear perps, and rely on me alone.

Panic

Earlier it was the morning, then the noon came, dusk followed, and soon after that the night was there. Yet nothing did change. The terrible pain in her heart didn’t change, the terror didn’t go…….

The flame enveloping her soul didn’t subside.

They didn’t also kill her, they didn’t maim, wring her neck, stab her in the heart. They only remained, they only spread, they only stayed and tormented………

They would only kill her alive……….

Which hour is striking, she franticly wondered hearing the chimes. When did I last see………

Panic sized hold of her.

My child ………….She jumped up and cried out aloud.
My child…….

Her husband now came towards her, swaying, disheveled and shaking. She caught hold of him and screamed.

What did you do with him? Oh what did you do with him?

He stood swaying in her arms, fearfully mumbling.

Nothing will happen to him. Nothing will happen …..

I want to see him now, he is only four. I want to see him now, now itself, do you hear.

The man crumbled and slumped to the floor gasping.

She didn’t want to see the histrionics. She caught his head in her arms and began to shake him, all the while raving angrily.

What a man are you? It’s your son, how can you leave him outside, its night, see, see, its dark out there, my child will be afraid. Go find him.

Someone caught her and dragged her away.

Everything is being done. A voice said. She didn’t care about voices, she didn’t care about people.

She tried to shake them away.

No one is doing anything, he is the father, he is sitting there like a woman crying, he is sitting there like a piece of wood, no one is doing anything.

Everything possible is being done. Someone said again.

What’s being done? She screamed. What’s being done? I don’t see my child here. He is out there in the night with nobody to look after him.

It’s been a week my dear. A woman said whimpering. No place remains to be searched.

A week? A week! No, no she won’t believe that. She had just left him playing in the porch; she had gone in to make something for him, something he likes.

A week? These women are crazy, all of them, they wouldn’t stir, and my boy is dying out there of fright. He is afraid of the dark. He would only move in the night hanging on to my sari.

She tried to break free and run out to the night. They tried to restrain her. She struggled demonically. …..struggled, and struggled……….The something took her senses away for a period.


May be the little body would be found later, sometimes on a railway line, or in a wood, or in an unused well…………as is often the case.

And the world won’t stop. There would still be living people…. There would still be laughter; there would still be merry moments……….

The Himherit Is Isn’t

Serious Hypocrisy



All right, what I have here, is not anything particular, you call it by any name you want, it may even be myself.

I am not sure about it anyway, what is mine is abstract; you need to dig and come up with yourself, needless to say, that could also be myself . Yet even then you are unsure of what you have produced. There are subtle encroachments, unseen interferences, vague mix-ups, you can’t insure this thing. You can’t insure a phantom, body maybe, eyes maybe, try hard and arse may be.

But not yourself, getting my point I hope?

Quit the sneer, pretend not, come up with something to solve the riddle.

All I am aware of is this thing, it has to be a thing if it is nothing, it is touchy even, it’s elusive and plays hard to get. It has tentacles and sort of grows and dims. Or is it fed intra venous? What is feeding it or what is it feeding on?

It kind of metamorphoses, it mimics and swipe colors, as I say ‘hi there’ it disappears and something is there in its stead.

It’s not a constant. I have been watching it, searching it and feeling it out, it doesn’t feel firm, it spreads and crumbles, puffs up and fades.

There are contraindications

I hear some say:

It’s him, and I am perturbed, how can they be sure, what are they pointing at? Is there something definite lying in that direction? I can’t find any, then don’t I do the same? Don’t I name them?

See, I point to a mass and label it tentatively, I feel I am on slope slippery, I am not assured, not certain, I mumble him, her, it.

But I am not convinced, there is nothing definitive out there, I am nudging the uncertain into shape, I know it, I feel it in my bones, but is the himherit convinced, does it take what I call it as itself?

Surprisingly it sometimes exhibits belief-certain and I am flummoxed.

What does it know about itself? I can even argue its case, it perceives itself as is. It relies on this isness. It doesn’t view this as primary; it mistakes its variegating attributes as its native habit.

Its natural, can’t deny that, this whole goes definitely nature. Outsides, in the particular lies the uncertain, in the defragmenting, in the coalescing, that’s where the trouble lies.

Is is not trouble, isn’ts are the trouble.

The God of death

I recall of having said something about the feared ferryman in a previous post, this is no ordinary ferry man, he is mighty, he is deadly, and he instills chill and fear in those who does not know him.

He is the conductor of souls, verily he is death.

He comes in many guises and disguises, we think he is somewhere in the future but he with us every step. The whole universe is his play ground; he is the lord superior and the unopposed in it. He has no foes; of course he has few friends too.

In the west two coins are placed over the eyes of the dead as a payment to the ferry man, strange custom, but nice too. It can’t be a bribe, it’s offered in good faith, as a token of respect.

I know some are distressed whenever they hear this trickster mentioned. I can recall only Lorca as a worshipper of death in the west, he wrote beautifully. He was of the land of the bull fights, and death was a tangible presence in that land.

We don’t have any such in this land. There is the jellikkettu of the Tamils of course; it’s a very crude version of the bull fight. So death only comes to us in its ordinary ways, there is no gallantry attached to it..

But we have many names for him, mysterious and musical names, like Yama, and Mruthyu, we also call him Kaal, the time, for the time is death itself, it wipes everything out sooner or later. The Yama is the personification of death, he comes visiting at the moment of death astride a Mahisham or a mighty buffalo.

Now this Buffalo is quite a fellow in our mythology, it represents the unconscious, the ignorance, and the gross in all its varieties. The mighty godess Kali is ever depicted as standing with a foot on the breast of Mahisha after slaying him.

This Mahisha guy was a cool guy. He was born of a she-buffalo and had become powerful by the practice of magical arts and had taken over the entire world, in the manner the modern human civilization is aiming at. He even wanted to have Kali (Time in female form) as his partner.

Now the unconscious can’t become joined to the conscious. It had to be slain, whenever such manifestations happen Kaali kills him, this happens over and over again.

Well coming back to the term ‘death’ in English,

I searched for synonyms but could not find any; death is a standalone term in English it seems. Well of course you can go back to the Romans ( Viduus) or Greeks ( Hades, Zalmoxis ) or even back to the Sumerians /Acadians’. The Acadian Namtar is not bad, but strangely it has neither poetry nor power in it. This may be a personal view; to the Acadians it might have been the deadliest of terms.

But I like the Egyptian term of Wepwawet for death, he is an “Opener of ways” too, a kind of ferryman. The word feels soft and feathery, nice.

The ancient red Indians too have nice terms for death. The Maya term is the one I like the most. Cizin. The sad fact is that after the Spanish conquest this delightful god merged in Satan. The Incas have Supay as the god of death. The Aztec has the most unpronounceable death god. Xiuhtecuhtli- I have no hopes of pronouncing it in this year.

The Hebrew’s have Adriel as an angel of death. I am not forgetting the sefirah, the dark flame that started the revelatory/creative process, "Nothing" . I like the imagery.

The Irish have Balor it seems. The Norse mythology has Odin as the god of death.

I left the Australian Aboriginal god Eingana to the last because everything about her is funny. She seems to be the supreme god of the aboriginals. May be the whole conception shows crudity.

Anyway here are some of the names of death I found over the net during the search. May be it would be useful to some.

yama
mors
mara
osiris
anubis
namtar
auraka
balor
chamer
cizin
supay
cum hau
ethlinn
wepwawet
loki
odin
hau
aipaloovik
viduus
pikullos
baiame
rudra
xiuhtecuhtli
adriel xipe totec
zwezda polnoca
idun
aumakua
azriel
eingana
zalmoxis
hades
azriel
eingana
zalmoxis
hades
siva

Technical Time-Out

FICTION







The other day I went visiting our man God, gawd what a waste of time that was, though I had it plenty with me. (By the way I am Chronos, the time itself; I would let you into all that dope later)

I had some trouble getting an entry to his place, had to play some cheap tricks to get through. The sentinels melted away after that.

The place was vast and somewhat blurry; I could not locate the guy nowhere. He was in hiding and would not come out.

Tring, tring. I said loudly.

I am Chronos, the time, so come out, or I would smoke you out of there, I have the whole US Treasury of time with me, so don’t expect me to leave before you come out.

Don’t play with that, he said springing up from his place of hiding; it belongs to the illuminati, that US Treasury thing.

He was somewhat flustered, all red in the face. I wondered at the alacrity with which he bounded out of there. The man was agile as a new born calf, he was practically skipping around the place in agitation.

You are playing with fire there boy. Don’t bring my ass into it, for god’s sake. I am having things difficult as it is.

Okay grand sire, won’t mention it again. I vouched.

Well he was what you call inscrutable; maybe he thought I was some kind of deicide. Not that I didn’t play a hand at it, everyone does nowadays, the dictates of fashion,you know, nothing else.

I did not want him out anyway; I have some love for the wizened bugger still.

All the same he seemed a little put out by my presence

Fuck, he said, is there ever an end of you!

Nope.

I had instructed the stupid’s to not let you in.

I winked at your angels; they thought that I am a weirdo and took to their heels.

He gave a short laugh

You didn’t seduce them did you?

They are hardly my type, besides I hate those wings being wrapped around me. Not that I didn’t try, that would have been out of character, wouldn’t it?

*Swami Sharanam. He said prayerfully.

Amen. I agreed.

He had become a little settled by now and stood still for a moment watching me. As always he was a bit unsure of me. I laughed.

All of them are neuter aren’t they? I said winking..

He colored. I rue the moment I made you.

His place was full of nice things. The guy seems to be a surrealist, everything was Daliesque, even the chairs and settees, the walls and carpets, and they felt fluffy, melting, made of clouds.

Nice place. I said, moving around. Movement was my thing.

Anyway I could not sit down; it was too uncertain a proposition, time sitting down! Besides how could you sit on lips and melting clocks, not that there were any real clocks, that were my domain, but everything appeared so vague and perishable.

The man was looking at me rather wistfully; maybe he was wishing me away. He had been reading Marcus Aurelius. It was a hard cover edition of Meditations.

Cool shit. I remarked pointing to it.

Pretty. He said morosely, hiding it behind. He was still not pleased with something.

Still ruing the moment? I asked.

He said nothing.

Anyway isn’t that a contradiction in terms? I mean, I being time and there being no moment before me?

He became somewhat non-plussed at that. The man hates thinking, I thought. His brows were as clear as the summer skies, not a wrinkle showing. Nice thoughtless existence. I don’t remember the last time I met a guy like that before.

Why did you come? He asked after a short difficult silence.

To talk matters over with you, why else?

That put him on a real grumpy mood.

None seem satisfied, he grumbled, with what I gave them.

He looked rather feminine at that moment.

The one thing in the world that pisses me off is such whining.

I taunted him:

You have gone and created an idiotic fantasy and now you complain when others are taking it seriously.

He was taken aback for a moment but then with characteristic cunning pleaded.

Don’t bring the roof down. Lets us have some peace and quiet for a change.

He winked at me this time, his face going all rosy. I was dumbfounded.

Peace and quiet, what the hell is the man talking about, I did not get the head and tail of it. I could not stay still for a second at someplace even if I had to. One needs to place oneself down somewhere to have peace and the other thing.

I went close to him and looked into his eyes.

You are not serious are you, grandad? Do you know the shit I am in; I am getting blamed for every dumb thing people do out there. The other day…….. Oh let it go. I am even called fate, can you imagine that? You seem to be having it pretty easy at the moment. None even remembers you.

He could barely disguise his pleasure at that. The man’s face was working as if somebody had morphed Charles Bronson’s mug on it. It was downright gruesome. His eyes rolled up as if thanking his stars.

You don’t say!

Don’t I? I said. Say I did. It’s the other guy who is getting worshipped down there.

That luminiferous ether of mine?

I shook my head, this guy, he is impossible.

You can make jokes about that?

He looked at me for minute and began to laugh. He laughed his heart out.

Oh he was so bombastic, that son of mine. Damn handsome too, no wonder they can’t resist him.

It gets you off the hook nicely isn’t it?

He tried to control his fit of laughter.

Anyway it doesn’t matter; the only trouble is guys like you.

Is that so? I want this resolved, I said hotly, I don’t want to push people off the edge, the other guy is too tricky , he is so glad that I am doing all the dirty work.

Hell, what you want me to do Chronos?

Do anything, spank reason into your retarded first born, drive him out of your temples like your other son did once.

Can’t do that, sorry!

You still love that dolt don’t you?

It’s not that Chronos, he stole my world from me, you let him do that. Bring the world back to me; I will make something out of it.

I thought long and hard on it. This man did not make the mugs in his own image, it was obvious he made them in the image of his first born, no wonder he is in hiding now when the truth has leaked out.

Where is the other son? I demanded. We don’t hear of him nowadays.

God choked.

Which son? Er…. Ahem…. there must be some mistake. What can I do if some call themselves that?

He began to bustle about busying himself with this and that.

You are a piece of work, granpa. You just admitted that he drove the wicked away from temples.

He now looked quite apoplectic and about to burst.

I did no such thing.

You did too.

You put words into my mouth. I only told you that I can’t cleanse the temples because my Luce stole it from me.

And that is not the same as saying the other son existed?

He grew all wise and tricky just then.

Think for yourself, what did I say, can I come and do the scavenging for you, you got enough hands and feet haven’t you?

He looked at me shrewdly and made himself scarce all of a sudden. He had me this time, the man is a riddle. He seemed to have become very wise too, out of the blue.

I was all bogged down. What in the hell did he mean about scavenging and hands and feet?

There was some light breaking into me from somewhere.

Then I heard somebody hollering.

Time out. Time out.

I was back in the running.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
* God Save Us

Nothing is important, nothing matters

(This seems rather representational, I don’t know why. Well who knows about such intricacies anyway! I for one sure don’t!)


I

Everything was as usual. My tummy had some drink and my lungs had some smoke.
Not that it was of any importance……

May be to her, she had spread herself on bed and I was not feeling anything
I had something that was not working.
Not that it was of any importance……..

The fan was howling
And her thighs were wet; I had just risen from there. I could see the nice fluffy part weaving the cosmos.
Not that it was of any importance. ……..

My bare ass was itching for the last half an hour. I had placed it on her silk shawl by chance
And yes it clawed and tore at my skin
Not that it was of any importance……..

My hands had played to scratch at it, they tried get to it unnoticed
And I would have none of that.
Not that it’s of any importance…….

The windows had no curtains, neither were they shut
It was none of your misty mornings; everything was clear.
Not that it was of any importance………..

Well may be to them who were passing
And noticing
And feeling something coursing through them like Hottentots….
Not that it was of any importance………..

II

Something/someone was clawing at the door
It could be her mother
Or a friend of mine
Not that it matters……..

She was chewing pan and slowly reaching for a spittoon
And I could see the fine line of her spine
She spat long and came up saying:
Are you done?
Not that it matters………..

I bellowed at her.
Did the windows ever have panes?
She laughed and tied her hair at the back.
That could be an answer?
Not that it matters…………

She turning, again was asking
You done?
Not that it matters…………

III

‘Police’ said a rattling voice
There were loud thuds on the door
Someone cried, something fell and a cat was mewing somewhere
Not that it was important……..

She seemed frightened
And rose from the bed all lithe and lovely, like a deer alarmed
I had come alive
Not that it was important……..

‘Jump out of the window, now’ she hissed
I grabbed her, wasn’t she in some danger?
She was surprised and it became as love in her eyes
Not that it was important……..

She led me to the window, wrapping me in bed-spread,
Clinging on to me as if for dear life
Not that it was important……..

The thuds now came loud with rough voices
Open up you (un-callable, unimaginable, unusable)
Not that it was important……..

She pushed me off, lightly brushing her pale breasts to my cheeks
They smelt of Vaseline
Not that it was important……..

IV

I came out of the trance
The middle of night was falling around me
And a soft breeze was mopping my sweat away.
I laughed.
(What does it matter to the world ………?)

No sigh escaped out of me
No pain I felt
Compassion there was nil
I was all bliss and joy (Oh the bliss, the bliss of being unconnected to everything ugly! Oh the sheer joy of being pure and pristine!)
Was I exultant? Or Jubilant, or Euphoric?
(What does it matter to the world ………?)

I rose and roared
I have had Nirvana
I am liberated, I have become the Buddha
I am free; I have been to hell and back
(What does it matter to the world ………?)

Stretching sweetly, I looked over the parapet into the dark alleyway beyond
Was there a grappling sound?
Was someone panting in the shades?
Did I hear a faint scream?
Pshaw, this is the nice neighborhood, I chided myself.
I smiled contentedly, reassured to my heart of hearts.
(What does it matter to the world ………?)

I descended leisurely into my heaven on earth,
To my to-do’s and what not to do’s
I never felt happier in life
I murmured as I went down the stairs
“This is the nice neighborhood …… Oh yes this is the nice…... and I have been enlightened!”
(What does it matter to the world ………?)