Commitment

Am I socially committed? Lord I would rather be murdered first! Did I shock you? I know I did, it was only half in jest, conventions dictate that you should be shocked, yet NO, I am not an anarchist, that is, in the sense the word is used by the anarchists. It may be true that I share their dislike for God, state and religion as they exist (in our minds) today. But I haven’t lost hope in two of them-God and Society, although I have no sympathy for the society as it is now. Most of you, whether you like society or not, might not be well disposed towards god and I don’t wonder at it. The old guy has not been of real help to us over the years.

But the god I am talking of is different, on the outer level it is the sum total of everything we hold dear in our lives, the value system, beliefs, finer feelings and everything that you may call godly in you for want of a better word. On the inner level my definition of god is totally revolutionary and it contains everything that you are. Some may call it a vague definition. I am not really defining god here, I am doing something even better, I am pointing a way to find god and you can learn it from my previous posts.

I am sure that all of you can find god even without resorting to any religious practices. Please note that I am not denigrating the finer elements in religion here, there are finer elements in everything, but they all get clouded by the structure in which they are shut up. Instead of liberating us they trample us underfoot. None of the established religions can save you, study the lives of any saint, all have gone beyond the strictures imposed by their faith in search of truth. Have you ever thought why it is so; have you ever thought why Jesus told the world that his kingdom is not of this world?

It isn’t of this world, but what he didn’t say is that it includes this world in it as well. He could not say that to a bunch of stupid people who goes by the strictures of Talmud and cannot think straight. I know that some may take umbrage at this, but people, jump out of those darkened caves inside your heart, take a look around and see the world for what it is.

It is happening right before you, people are being led into traps they can never come out of, they are being mentally castrated, they are being traded and subjugated, every code, every book is being made use of in this terrible man hunt. Learn that all systems of beliefs are regressive, they instill subordination, they make you obey, they don’t lead you forward.

This is why intellectuals are the most obedient people in the world, they work with data, and that data is provided by the system, every intricate point that you learn makes you more obedient, makes you more docile, it takes away the capacity to react as a human being, it curbs wonder, it provides answers for all your questions. It plants you inside a mental fortress from which you can never escape.

You can control intellectuals like you control dogs with a piece of bone or a lump of sugar. They would never believe that they are being controlled; they would think that they are acting out of their own volition. They only generate thoughts for their masters, both hidden and evident. Every time I think on this it calls back the words of Hitler to my mind. He openly stated that 99 percentage of the population is like women, they can be led, they can be told to do things and they would gladly do that.

Did you know what was the excuse offered by most of those tried in Nuremberg after the WW II? They said that they were only taking orders. Some of you may think that Hitler was a total idiot and a fanatic, he may have been, but he had learned one thing right, that the people require a master and he consciously became that.

It is this weakness among the humans that I am afraid of, this willingness to follow the leader, this frantic desire for a host mechanism, this total submission. You think that only the ‘weirdo’s’ desires such things don’t you, you are wrong, everyone would follow a leader if he is forceful enough. It is easier to justify something than make something on your own. This is a perennial weakness of the human mind.

The human mind yearns for something to lean on; it wants to forget its insignificance and would like to bask in reflected glory. This is why people run to religion and such other systems of thought that there is out there which promises salvation. This goes for the materialist and the idealists, the idealist promise the heaven up above and the materialists promise the heave below. Both lull the fear of isolation in the human heart. They can’t think out of the hat, though they mouth these words incessantly. The inflow towards religion all over the world now is the failure of a dependable substitute, People want to be comforted, patted on the back and looked after. Even if these are provided invisibly they would be satisfied.

Hence they run to religion.

Yet really religion is a totally fucked up institution. It has out grown its usages and it relevance. But the alarming fact is that people are being attracted to religion by hoards. The world has not been able to replace religion with anything that people can really believe in. The people have not unfortunately grown. They did not grow with the growth of civilization. Only internal changes could make people grow; only an inner revolution could make people break the shackles imposed by their conditioning. But the religions would not allow that. The people who run them have several things to lose by doing that.

If I could I would wipe the entire religiosie out I would do it this moment if I can. It has to be done to cleanse the world.

But the fuckers are too entrenched, too dug in, and there are enough dolts in the world who believes every word that’s uttered by these Beelzebub’s. If anyone speaks against these perverts their followers would rise up in arms and would start murdering you right and left. I can’t even blame them unfortunately; they are totally fucked up and frightened. They don’t know what to do and they flock to the first group which assures them that they would take care of them come what may. I can’t gain say the words of Marx, religion is the opium of the masses, though later Marxism itself started exhibiting the characteristics of a religion. It has even chapels where they place flowers and incense now. Look at the terrible servility to the earlier modes of culture.

Now about social commitment, think for a moment what are you committing into, to serve a society that’s robbing you off every bit of your self-respect, that’s stripping you bare, that’s invading your very inner lives, that’s derailing your privacy, that’s converting you into a machine rather than a human being. You know there is vast data base on every human being on earth, and any one of them can be monitored and controlled by those in power at any point of their lives.

Some may think this is paranoia, let’s admit that possibility even, all the conspiracy theorists could be paranoid, but a brief survey of the weaponry now in existence would make any sane person doubt their very sanity. Those who criticize these doubting souls are a protected lot. They are protected by their very ignorance. They haven’t been fighting with this machinery of annihilation. Let them try it once as a challenge.

Let them think to themselves, I am doing it as an experiment to try to find out whether there is anything in what these conspiracy theory idiots say. I shall go against certain deplorable actions of establishment and shall carefully note down everything that occurs all the while I am at it. This is a free society is it not, one has freedom of opinion, to express ones ideas, one can move about in one’s own country and in the world and engage oneself in any activity that one chooses provided that it’s not criminal in nature and are not hurtful to others.

Try this and you will soon find out, take up the case of any subjugated group, people, or individuals. Go actively into their affairs, try giving them help. Initially there would only be threats, innuendos, suggestions etc. Soon the cat will be out of the box. You will start to feel insecure, your friends would mysteriously disappear from your lives, your resources would dry up, you would begin to perceive hidden aspects of the outwardly enjoyable world.

You might lose everything you have in that struggle too, you would also become paranoid, you would also start seeing strange things happen around you. The world is not all glitter and polish as you perceive it now, you were only perceived the tip of an iceberg till today. There are things underneath which would make the bravest sweat blood.

But then why should you do it? Why should you make your life hell, why should you lose chances of playing up to the current protectors and fore go the benefits of their wonderful grace? Well no reason at all, but then how can you criticize others without sharing their experiences. How do you decide that they are wrong? Do you go by an opinion poll, then what is your role in it, just rising your hands on the basis of a gut feeling? Or do you go by the words of a few, then what is the difference between them and the doubting Thomas’s, what makes them more informed than these, both are few in number aren’t they, or do you go by the words of those in power? Then what is the need for democracy if you can’t question your rulers?

So on whose side am I?

At one time in my land everyone had to answer this question.

Which side are you on?

It was not multiple choice, it had only one answer.

And you know what that is.

Anyway, luckily I was born long afterwards and hence could subsist without answering this question.

But at all times in your life you are compelled to take sides.

You might know what side I am on by this time. As far as my activities on the net are concerned, I am on my side.

Don’t laugh or screw your face up in disgust, both sides. I am being dead serious here. First hear me out…..

This I am is not the individual I am, maybe there are people discerning enough to understand that. It’s the universal I am. Wait, there is no mystical bullshit attached to it at this level of discussion. Don’t think that I am afraid of ‘mysticulating’ at anytime, I am not. Only the very dumb would think that the spiritual is not compatible with the progressive.

So let us talk of this I am of mine. It may have other aspects to it on other levels but here it is suggested as a workable idea for effecting modification in the human psyche.

You can call it the emerging universal consciousness or it may have been there all the while. Our conception of time as a linear event may not be valid.

So being on my side does not make me the enemy, and one to be constantly monitored. There are things happening out there my friends and enemies, of which we are only dimly aware.

But one thing is evident. Everyone is bound, shackled and tied up. There is no oppression like that to my mind. This happens with both the sides and it is reprehensible.

Now wait a second. Don’t get on a pedestal and complain “But we are humanists” You have no claim to the title in exclusion to everyone else. Every one is a humanist, even to the meanest of us; it operates in different ways with different people.
Even the Rothschild’s are humanists in the sense that they love their off spring like everybody else. No one wants power for themselves alone. They fantasize about power in a human background.

Human beings are not human programmed mechanical toys to follow a certain preset protocol all the time. Humans are a vibrant organism, an evolving organism. It can’t be put behind bars and curbed from reaching out into the realm of the unknown.
There have been stupid blunders like that before, it crumbled even empires. Just look around and you will see them.

So desist from this frantic desire for control. It comes out of fear, not out of anything creative.

I have seen absolute dolts put in place by the most ‘humanist’ of organizations, the reason? Obedience, those that can think and be creative could ask questions. The result could be imagined, total loss of control. Puppets can’t create freedom. It’s a paradox that we are seeing now. Everyone is shouting freedom at the top of their voice, because they want the cries from their camp to go unnoticed.

I don’t approve of servility; I thought we had put an end to slavery for all times on this globe. But I see its various forms all round me.

I can’t see any good coming from, God, state and Society as they are conceived today. But I can’t advocate anarchy. The only thing that we can destroy comparatively easily is God. But the other too machineries are lethal and perennial. No amount of wailing is going to dispel them from our lives.

The only option remaining is to function from within these frameworks and try to modify it gradually.

It’s no easy job, all the other methods have failed, and there is no use in resorting to the external mechanics anymore. There are too many variables, and the basis on which they were launched has once has crumbled, that basis in no more reliable.

So the only option is working from the inner to the outer. This is not a single man’s job.

At present what I am seeing is a very bleak picture. The remedy for this is not optimism. It is faith, faith in the evolving universal consciousness, faith in one’s own internal freedom, faith in one’s own self. It’s that which is going to create a new world and nothing else. The struggle for existence has turned inwards and is being fought within the mind. This has to be understood above all.

We can’t any more function with ideologies; most of them are outdated, we need to band together to form a new alliance on the psychic level. This psychic is not the psychic of the old. It’s a link formed within the mind, a creative link, which works towards freedom of the whole race.

We need to reclaim our autonomy.

So on whose side am I? I am on the side of man, not the man in the abstract, not the man divided into classes as of old, but individual man of today who is fighting a bloody war within the mind for his survival and without knowing it.

I can’t do much. But will try to do what I can. All systems of thought, all structures out there are restrictive, they instill obedience rather than enlightenment. Even my efforts to break out of the clutches of the accepted manner of presenting matter may be due to that.

Demons do laugh

Now I was alone with the demon, I had sent all my friends away and I was feeling surprisingly enervated.

They wanted to know why I was sending them away. I felt a little ashamed of myself too for feeling so weak. Do I feel sad when I look into their youthful faces, and see their loyal fervor? I wonder sometimes, may be a little, its not envy, it’s a spent feeling, something like a deep tiredness. Was it a feeling of defeat? Not so, I have had a full life, I have drunk of a full cup as they say.

I said to their sweet faces.

I am an old man; old men need time for reflection. My mind is not as quick as it was before.

They did not believe me of course and laughed.

You are even younger than us. They roared.

No my friends, you love me so, so you do not see the weakness stealing over me by stealth.

Oh sage, you have become a poet in old age. You have deserted Sophia.

I smiled. Their enthusiasm was catching. Only the broad shouldered one was meditatively smiling. He is always calm, that one, dreaming of great things. He would look after these children after I am no more.

I sighed. I love them all, much more than my own children. They are the light of the future. From them would come the great ages of this small island.

But I am out of it. There is nothing more in me worth giving.

It was not a lie. Age slows your faculties down; age can sometimes be a bore too and whispers weaknesses into your ear, making you falter, and building up toxicity in you, both in the blood and in the mind. It hangs on to you by your skin and the skin loosens and makes others smile at you in derision. You can’t even smile back with dignity, for the age has knocked your teeth out.

Once I could carry a heavy man leagues from were I picked him up, on my shoulders, and not even pause for breath. I carried Xenophon thus and he seems still grateful for it. I had fought for Athens in my time I think, with some valor too. I was not as lazy and fragile as I am today.

I felt a strange pleasure. I had not spent my youth in vain.

Though a little unhappy with my decision they seemed satisfied with my explanation and had left inviting me to their houses for the evening meal. I said mischievously.

I shall be dining with my woman today.

Most of them smiled thinking of the adventure, and Apolodorus said with enthusiasm. I shall go and help her to prepare it. You can all come too.

I feel breathless when I think of the boy. Such unspoiled good nature, it’s a rare thing to have, a sad thing to have too.

Cato often says. You seem to like the unthinking more.

Cato is a nice boy, a little impetuous perhaps. Artlessness is not a sin, he doesn’t know that. The bright somehow dislikes it; maybe it’s a distrust of something which they can’t find in themselves.

As I settled down on the broken steps leading to the academy I thought about the sweet youth who had just left. It was about evening, a pale ethereal light was playing around. The day looked wan too, even the sky seemed sadly gray.

You should have kept them. The demon said. They have youthful energy, you could part take of it.

And be called a vampire? I laughed.

The demon did not respond, it was silent for a long time. May be it is feeling tired too.

They are about to call you to council. It said.

I have heard as much.

Do you know the charges?

Of introducing new deities?

And corrupting the youth.

I won’t plead guilty.

You know what will happen won’t you?

Yes, there is Anyutus in the council.

The demon also knew it was decided. You have to prepare your defense. The demon now said.

My life is my defense.

Only that none in this time would realize it.

What does it matter? Living a full life is what matters. I shall leave everything to posterity.

The dusk came. We had been quite for a long while. I had not been thinking but drinking in the scent of life from the air. It felt very pleasant; lately I had forgotten the pleasure of doing nothing. It’s a luxury that one can’t afford always.
The sky was filled with colors and they delighted me now. Mostly I don’t see it being too involved with my friends and my mind. May be I am becoming poetic at this late stage in my life as they accused of me just now.

I said to my demon rising.

We have to face an ordeal graver than the one you just mentioned before the day is over.

The demons don’t laugh, but there was a pleasant sensation inside me. Perhaps it was really laughing.

Connections

Life Incidents




Thoonu smiled at me quite angelically; there were stardust and rainbows in it. She was resplendent, quite composed and assured.

She had achieved her aim; she had brought a government order directing all the government institutions to throw out temporary hands the moment Public Service Commission hands reports for duty, for me to see and comment. I looked at it and decided to play along.

I asked:

Can we dismiss Namja and Cheeru with it?

Both the mouthy darlings were temporarily with a project that our office is supervising. They have no business in the Office, but are retained there and go about as if everything in the office is their ancestral property. They are being paid pittances and could not live on it. They are just slaves and are brainwashed into everything unseemly, including acting against me.

I have seen others employing them in certain other ways, or seemingly employing them in that way. It’s all a charade inside the office now, so one can’t believe what one sees with one’s own eyes. I am consoling myself with this thought. Well I know that human body has many uses, but to use it as a rubbish dump is not something I approve of. Anyway they have become indispensible to them so I wondered at this sudden change of stance. May be they were getting too used up to be considered necessary anymore.

I have compassion for them too, in a way that is. They are bad through and through and would do anything for a few bucks. The younger the age the more immoral they become, it seems. Don’t mistake me, I have nothing against any practice as long as they are done in the true spirit of love, otherwise it’s only a commercial adventure.

I have also seen them reading x rated magazines quite openly inside the office and feigning great pleasure in it and with promptings from others. A guy named Asharto is supplying the ‘” unholy” stuff to them. May be he is acting as their go between. He is a staunch Catholic and invites all sorts of religious leech’s insides all the time.

Maybe they are just faking reading them to make me disgusted. But I have gone a little deeper towards the truth than they ever can and would not be troubled by such displays. I am only sorry that the imbeciles had to bow so low to have their revenge against me.

Anyway it seems that Thoonu was after something else this time. She was targeting my dislike for Karuppachan and was praying all her gods that I would say something on the line. But not being as intelligent as she is and the perps are I failed to perceive it. Yet being very persistent she became more direct.

Do you think Karuppachan would be dismissed if the PSC hand comes?

She now asked, naturally expecting that I would take the bait. My present policy is to take all such baits and respond in the manner they like. I consider them as good opportunities to rub some salt into those that are completely anti-people.

I gave it a go and she as well as the other poor perps was highly satisfied. They have achieved their aim of making me utter things which would incense Karuppachan and would make him react against me. Every move in this game is preplanned. The copy of the ancient order is supplied to Thoonu by the perps and Karuppachchan was previously briefed about it.

He would take it up tomorrow and start mouthing words which are put there by the perps. As I have made remarks against the other inconsequentials they would be in the fray too. I am planning to record the tirades.

Anyway, in exchange for my outburst Thoonu was kind to inform me that such and such persons were taking bribes and that is why files are moving quite fast in the Office. I said some nice things about those bastards too, fully well knowing Thoonu was baiting me.

Well tomorrow would be the big day for the perps and their slaves. I gave out to Thoonu that I am expecting as much. Thoonu sat for a little while munching things over and left her seat to inform the major perps about it. I like to have things my way all the time and am never remiss in putting a spanner in the perps wheels. Well soon afterwards Pappedathy paid me a visit. I felt delighted.

She is in some other office at present but is considered to be the think tank of the perps. The activities of the perps were reaching a crescendo for about a few weeks now. They fear that I am to get a promotion in the near future and they would rather die than see it happen. So they were on an all out attack to make me quit everything and leave.

Their terror is natural; you cannot have a more dangerous adversary than me in your life. Once anything is decided in my mind I would make it happen. If I am against any one (Let it be any one in the wide universe, their power, position, stature, influence, wealth etc would be of no importance. That would not stop me in getting into them true and proper) they would be dealt severely with, and it would not stop even if they cry out for god’s mercy. There would not be any quarters on offer, no pity will be shown, and no charity will be evident on my part.

But it will only be done if it’s the sole option. In the case of my perps I had tried to be friends with them for over a period of three long years after returning to this station as they had posted me elsewhere, even putting my prospects in jeopardy.

But I had decided to carry no animosity and had decided to behave as if we have been great friends all along. I am not a guy to dissemble, and am open about everything I do, have never acted against any one in a way to rob them of their livelihood or put hurdles in any their path, even of the worst among the human race.

But none of these overtures registered with them, they did not want my output, they did not want my sincerity, they did not want my friendship. They wanted me out, they wanted to have the freedom to do whatever they wished without having to go in fear of my reaction to the base things that they do, and they were waiting for an opportune time.

They thought I was being docile out of fright, that I feared them and their organizations. The moment their “people” got the rule back they started going at me in right earnest. They thought it would be easy that I would buckle under pressure. They thought an elected government is their private property and would do everything they wished it to do. May be it would, there are things coming out which do not add luster to any regime.

But they guessed wrong. I would have taken the least friction ridden path in life if it is on offer; there are other things to do with my life than fight imbeciles every step of the way. But they left me with no options. There is a saying, you should only bend and not break things. They broke me with their idiotic insensitivity.

I painfully realized that they are out to ruin my life and I can’t draw back now. But even then before going any further I tried to repeatedly warn them to let me be, that I mean no harm to them, that they should not push me into places from which there is no coming back for all.

But they laughed it away, and went on with their attacks, these were bestial, they did not stop at anything, they would drag everyone connected to me to it. So that was that. The games had progressed even to electronic harassment. I had to put my foot down then and there is no more of it now.

Their open attacks are still continuing. The event described is the current high note in it. I help them all the way too. I play up to them for the fun of it. They produce deviants, prostitutes, terrorists, lunatics, lechers, quarrelsome people, imbeciles, beggars, lepers, politicians, astrologers, clergy etc in a stream and pit them against me to upset me and make me run. They were pinning their hopes on the middleclass morality that I may have.

They would have succeeded in every other case, but in mine they reckoned without my knowledge of the subtler aspects of existence. I have seen things which prove evil as well as the good have little relevance in the real scheme of things. I can take the so called sublime and the so called evil in my stride and spurn both with impunity.

Now I watch their every move with delight and I help them in bringing it to fruition. Today itself, I sang a few innocent ditties on and off, sending the perps telepathic suggestions that these were about them. As I have mentioned previously too I can get into their heads as easily as entering an open field and they can’t do anything about it.

They panicked and started calling every one of their friends outside. People streamed into the Office from all walks of life, seeking me out.

There would be exasperated stage whispers by them. “This guy”, “Don’t know the danger”, “He doesn’t seem to learn” . (All this because I sang “Twinkle twinkle little star” a few times? They were out to make me neurotic and ended up being neurotic themselves.)

Then there were the power guys who faked that they had to disconnect the power supply because we haven’t paid the charges in time.

Though I have nothing to do about it, they seek me out and start haranguing about the necessity of looking into it myself. The main guy got so worked up in the process that he started shaking all over, all this in vain for we never fault there because there are “files” to go. You get my point I hope? There is vested interest inside the office that would pay the amount out of their own pockets rather than have the power disconnected.

“You need to serve the people, no?”

I told them to disconnect the supply if they feel like it and that threw the main guy into a fit of apoplexy, he became incoherent and livid and jittery. It is my belief is that the guy has little more to live. May the god rest his soul! He thinks the whole world as his own and everything in it is his own personal property. He is in the “Union” it seems. They own the world. Tax payers like us are mere non essentials.

Then they made the whole bunch in the project to come to the office and make a din for some time. These were all for my benefit I gather. There is one supposed good looker in them and one “light eyed” boy too. These slaves are forced to make ‘passes’ at me, can you believe this. Luckily I can view all this dispassionately while taking it all in.

I enjoyed it all. Even the final appearance of Pappedathy. She had previously contrived to send some of his official details to the A/G and the Treasury with my knowledge while instructing others to make it appear that they are not sent. Now she starts complaining about the little attention that I have paid to their safe delivery.

The game continues. Tomorrow either the perps would buckle down or would go totally berserk.

I will let you know of it later. Anyway I would be sorry if they buckle down. I like them to be active twenty for hours a day, thinking of me. I am terribly egotistical that regard. I want people who dislike me to think of me all the time!

Won’t you think of me perps? But don’t go all rosy and feverish when you see me. You are my very own, though you haven’t realized it yet. Our connections go back to earlier births. I was your master then, I still am, and you would come to realize it slowly, but surely.

Forsake everything my dear perps, and rely on me alone.

Panic

Earlier it was the morning, then the noon came, dusk followed, and soon after that the night was there. Yet nothing did change. The terrible pain in her heart didn’t change, the terror didn’t go…….

The flame enveloping her soul didn’t subside.

They didn’t also kill her, they didn’t maim, wring her neck, stab her in the heart. They only remained, they only spread, they only stayed and tormented………

They would only kill her alive……….

Which hour is striking, she franticly wondered hearing the chimes. When did I last see………

Panic sized hold of her.

My child ………….She jumped up and cried out aloud.
My child…….

Her husband now came towards her, swaying, disheveled and shaking. She caught hold of him and screamed.

What did you do with him? Oh what did you do with him?

He stood swaying in her arms, fearfully mumbling.

Nothing will happen to him. Nothing will happen …..

I want to see him now, he is only four. I want to see him now, now itself, do you hear.

The man crumbled and slumped to the floor gasping.

She didn’t want to see the histrionics. She caught his head in her arms and began to shake him, all the while raving angrily.

What a man are you? It’s your son, how can you leave him outside, its night, see, see, its dark out there, my child will be afraid. Go find him.

Someone caught her and dragged her away.

Everything is being done. A voice said. She didn’t care about voices, she didn’t care about people.

She tried to shake them away.

No one is doing anything, he is the father, he is sitting there like a woman crying, he is sitting there like a piece of wood, no one is doing anything.

Everything possible is being done. Someone said again.

What’s being done? She screamed. What’s being done? I don’t see my child here. He is out there in the night with nobody to look after him.

It’s been a week my dear. A woman said whimpering. No place remains to be searched.

A week? A week! No, no she won’t believe that. She had just left him playing in the porch; she had gone in to make something for him, something he likes.

A week? These women are crazy, all of them, they wouldn’t stir, and my boy is dying out there of fright. He is afraid of the dark. He would only move in the night hanging on to my sari.

She tried to break free and run out to the night. They tried to restrain her. She struggled demonically. …..struggled, and struggled……….The something took her senses away for a period.


May be the little body would be found later, sometimes on a railway line, or in a wood, or in an unused well…………as is often the case.

And the world won’t stop. There would still be living people…. There would still be laughter; there would still be merry moments……….

The Himherit Is Isn’t

Serious Hypocrisy



All right, what I have here, is not anything particular, you call it by any name you want, it may even be myself.

I am not sure about it anyway, what is mine is abstract; you need to dig and come up with yourself, needless to say, that could also be myself . Yet even then you are unsure of what you have produced. There are subtle encroachments, unseen interferences, vague mix-ups, you can’t insure this thing. You can’t insure a phantom, body maybe, eyes maybe, try hard and arse may be.

But not yourself, getting my point I hope?

Quit the sneer, pretend not, come up with something to solve the riddle.

All I am aware of is this thing, it has to be a thing if it is nothing, it is touchy even, it’s elusive and plays hard to get. It has tentacles and sort of grows and dims. Or is it fed intra venous? What is feeding it or what is it feeding on?

It kind of metamorphoses, it mimics and swipe colors, as I say ‘hi there’ it disappears and something is there in its stead.

It’s not a constant. I have been watching it, searching it and feeling it out, it doesn’t feel firm, it spreads and crumbles, puffs up and fades.

There are contraindications

I hear some say:

It’s him, and I am perturbed, how can they be sure, what are they pointing at? Is there something definite lying in that direction? I can’t find any, then don’t I do the same? Don’t I name them?

See, I point to a mass and label it tentatively, I feel I am on slope slippery, I am not assured, not certain, I mumble him, her, it.

But I am not convinced, there is nothing definitive out there, I am nudging the uncertain into shape, I know it, I feel it in my bones, but is the himherit convinced, does it take what I call it as itself?

Surprisingly it sometimes exhibits belief-certain and I am flummoxed.

What does it know about itself? I can even argue its case, it perceives itself as is. It relies on this isness. It doesn’t view this as primary; it mistakes its variegating attributes as its native habit.

Its natural, can’t deny that, this whole goes definitely nature. Outsides, in the particular lies the uncertain, in the defragmenting, in the coalescing, that’s where the trouble lies.

Is is not trouble, isn’ts are the trouble.

The God of death

I recall of having said something about the feared ferryman in a previous post, this is no ordinary ferry man, he is mighty, he is deadly, and he instills chill and fear in those who does not know him.

He is the conductor of souls, verily he is death.

He comes in many guises and disguises, we think he is somewhere in the future but he with us every step. The whole universe is his play ground; he is the lord superior and the unopposed in it. He has no foes; of course he has few friends too.

In the west two coins are placed over the eyes of the dead as a payment to the ferry man, strange custom, but nice too. It can’t be a bribe, it’s offered in good faith, as a token of respect.

I know some are distressed whenever they hear this trickster mentioned. I can recall only Lorca as a worshipper of death in the west, he wrote beautifully. He was of the land of the bull fights, and death was a tangible presence in that land.

We don’t have any such in this land. There is the jellikkettu of the Tamils of course; it’s a very crude version of the bull fight. So death only comes to us in its ordinary ways, there is no gallantry attached to it..

But we have many names for him, mysterious and musical names, like Yama, and Mruthyu, we also call him Kaal, the time, for the time is death itself, it wipes everything out sooner or later. The Yama is the personification of death, he comes visiting at the moment of death astride a Mahisham or a mighty buffalo.

Now this Buffalo is quite a fellow in our mythology, it represents the unconscious, the ignorance, and the gross in all its varieties. The mighty godess Kali is ever depicted as standing with a foot on the breast of Mahisha after slaying him.

This Mahisha guy was a cool guy. He was born of a she-buffalo and had become powerful by the practice of magical arts and had taken over the entire world, in the manner the modern human civilization is aiming at. He even wanted to have Kali (Time in female form) as his partner.

Now the unconscious can’t become joined to the conscious. It had to be slain, whenever such manifestations happen Kaali kills him, this happens over and over again.

Well coming back to the term ‘death’ in English,

I searched for synonyms but could not find any; death is a standalone term in English it seems. Well of course you can go back to the Romans ( Viduus) or Greeks ( Hades, Zalmoxis ) or even back to the Sumerians /Acadians’. The Acadian Namtar is not bad, but strangely it has neither poetry nor power in it. This may be a personal view; to the Acadians it might have been the deadliest of terms.

But I like the Egyptian term of Wepwawet for death, he is an “Opener of ways” too, a kind of ferryman. The word feels soft and feathery, nice.

The ancient red Indians too have nice terms for death. The Maya term is the one I like the most. Cizin. The sad fact is that after the Spanish conquest this delightful god merged in Satan. The Incas have Supay as the god of death. The Aztec has the most unpronounceable death god. Xiuhtecuhtli- I have no hopes of pronouncing it in this year.

The Hebrew’s have Adriel as an angel of death. I am not forgetting the sefirah, the dark flame that started the revelatory/creative process, "Nothing" . I like the imagery.

The Irish have Balor it seems. The Norse mythology has Odin as the god of death.

I left the Australian Aboriginal god Eingana to the last because everything about her is funny. She seems to be the supreme god of the aboriginals. May be the whole conception shows crudity.

Anyway here are some of the names of death I found over the net during the search. May be it would be useful to some.

yama
mors
mara
osiris
anubis
namtar
auraka
balor
chamer
cizin
supay
cum hau
ethlinn
wepwawet
loki
odin
hau
aipaloovik
viduus
pikullos
baiame
rudra
xiuhtecuhtli
adriel xipe totec
zwezda polnoca
idun
aumakua
azriel
eingana
zalmoxis
hades
azriel
eingana
zalmoxis
hades
siva