Demons do laugh

Now I was alone with the demon, I had sent all my friends away and I was feeling surprisingly enervated.

They wanted to know why I was sending them away. I felt a little ashamed of myself too for feeling so weak. Do I feel sad when I look into their youthful faces, and see their loyal fervor? I wonder sometimes, may be a little, its not envy, it’s a spent feeling, something like a deep tiredness. Was it a feeling of defeat? Not so, I have had a full life, I have drunk of a full cup as they say.

I said to their sweet faces.

I am an old man; old men need time for reflection. My mind is not as quick as it was before.

They did not believe me of course and laughed.

You are even younger than us. They roared.

No my friends, you love me so, so you do not see the weakness stealing over me by stealth.

Oh sage, you have become a poet in old age. You have deserted Sophia.

I smiled. Their enthusiasm was catching. Only the broad shouldered one was meditatively smiling. He is always calm, that one, dreaming of great things. He would look after these children after I am no more.

I sighed. I love them all, much more than my own children. They are the light of the future. From them would come the great ages of this small island.

But I am out of it. There is nothing more in me worth giving.

It was not a lie. Age slows your faculties down; age can sometimes be a bore too and whispers weaknesses into your ear, making you falter, and building up toxicity in you, both in the blood and in the mind. It hangs on to you by your skin and the skin loosens and makes others smile at you in derision. You can’t even smile back with dignity, for the age has knocked your teeth out.

Once I could carry a heavy man leagues from were I picked him up, on my shoulders, and not even pause for breath. I carried Xenophon thus and he seems still grateful for it. I had fought for Athens in my time I think, with some valor too. I was not as lazy and fragile as I am today.

I felt a strange pleasure. I had not spent my youth in vain.

Though a little unhappy with my decision they seemed satisfied with my explanation and had left inviting me to their houses for the evening meal. I said mischievously.

I shall be dining with my woman today.

Most of them smiled thinking of the adventure, and Apolodorus said with enthusiasm. I shall go and help her to prepare it. You can all come too.

I feel breathless when I think of the boy. Such unspoiled good nature, it’s a rare thing to have, a sad thing to have too.

Cato often says. You seem to like the unthinking more.

Cato is a nice boy, a little impetuous perhaps. Artlessness is not a sin, he doesn’t know that. The bright somehow dislikes it; maybe it’s a distrust of something which they can’t find in themselves.

As I settled down on the broken steps leading to the academy I thought about the sweet youth who had just left. It was about evening, a pale ethereal light was playing around. The day looked wan too, even the sky seemed sadly gray.

You should have kept them. The demon said. They have youthful energy, you could part take of it.

And be called a vampire? I laughed.

The demon did not respond, it was silent for a long time. May be it is feeling tired too.

They are about to call you to council. It said.

I have heard as much.

Do you know the charges?

Of introducing new deities?

And corrupting the youth.

I won’t plead guilty.

You know what will happen won’t you?

Yes, there is Anyutus in the council.

The demon also knew it was decided. You have to prepare your defense. The demon now said.

My life is my defense.

Only that none in this time would realize it.

What does it matter? Living a full life is what matters. I shall leave everything to posterity.

The dusk came. We had been quite for a long while. I had not been thinking but drinking in the scent of life from the air. It felt very pleasant; lately I had forgotten the pleasure of doing nothing. It’s a luxury that one can’t afford always.
The sky was filled with colors and they delighted me now. Mostly I don’t see it being too involved with my friends and my mind. May be I am becoming poetic at this late stage in my life as they accused of me just now.

I said to my demon rising.

We have to face an ordeal graver than the one you just mentioned before the day is over.

The demons don’t laugh, but there was a pleasant sensation inside me. Perhaps it was really laughing.