Jitters

There are moments in our life when we feel something strongly without even knowing what or why it is. We might feel affinity to, or distance from, something or someone without obvious reasons .We might feel despair, or elation about something on other occasions, all without really knowing why they occur. May be some of you do not believe this and are quite certain that you have everything under your control. If so well and good, but the chances are, even well maintained minds would find it most difficult to do so in most situations.

Such is the vastness of data that is coming in to us at any point of time in our lives and such is the nature of their connections with things that occurred to us in the past. These connections may not be very clear at their superficial level. They may even be coded messages that we discover or imagine that we recovered from what we were experiencing. All this could be going on within us quite unawares.

This is not surprising considering that most of the sense data collected by us over the years lie submerged and even invisible to our consciousness. I am not taking you to the realm of psychological theories of Freud or Jung or others here. Their thoughts may have some bearing on the subject. Their systems might even be able to dissect our mind and uncover the roots of the feeling. Well then there is not much to discover for them in any situation except “libido” and the “archetypal” is there! I have often thought that both are saying the same things in different words.

Whatever that may be, the above musings were prompted by something I overheard this evening. One guy was confiding to another:

“Once I hate somebody I can’t change it. I hate him for life. So I am trying not to hate him now”

Either he is being very defensive and boastful or being totally truthful. Knowing the guy I tend to go by the first guess. This is a man people call ‘weak’ and one who is easily frightened. I have seen it happen on several occasions and had felt sorry for him too. He is presently surviving with the help of the considerate among his fellow beings. There is nothing wrong with such conditions and there could be any number of reasons why a person is strong and another one is weak. It may be constitutional or acquired and in both cases the person may not be able to help it.


My guess is that he was a victim of inner office politics where he was working last. There are certain types of vicious scum on earth who delights in seeing others suffer for no reason at all. Sadly these types of criminals thrive in an official set up. These are the guys who put the thoughts of murder into you and unknown to you. Intelligence and worldly wisdom would not save you in such environments.


Unless one has the thick skin of a rhinoceros and the idiotic belief in one’s own importance in the scheme of things, one would be in an unenviable situation and would have to suffer steadily in places like that. Probably our guy lacked those qualities and he was emotionally mutilated. There may have been nothing that he could do against them. He was totally unprepared for it seems to be.

If these criminal types have any fear at all that is about their personal well being, not that this is a foolproof counter strategy against them. Some are like sharks that tear off their bellies to eat it if it is cut. Some of these trash could be as insensitive as to not to think about their own safety too while they are on the hunt.

Yet, the moment you manage to instill some fear into them you can be sure of some respite from their onslaught. If they have any belief at all that is the belief that they have the right to go on living, you try to show them otherwise, then they might draw a little back.


But this is easily said than done. Our guy could not have done it. I think he was totally at sea about what was happening to him when he was there. He is still respectful of certain psychic thugs who were in his last office. He seems to have no clue that they brought him down.

Anyway I had tried my best to help him when others were trying to put him down. In his torpor he hasn’t realized it yet.

I wonder what brings on such attacks of panic that I see sometimes in him!