Why in the bloody hell not do that?

It always amuses me the way my self proclaimed foes depict me to those they want to be in the know. I have been called all the names in the book and out of the book, I am even called by the names of certain of my enemies, every thing about me has been broad cast. There are even posts intending to defame me in a round about way. I know for sure that they have been able to involve certain seedy elements in the law enforcement and from political careerists in it and thus have the backing of the lower level establishment at present.

And they have even sought the help of criminals and extreme leftist elements to instill fear in me.

I enjoy such stuff because they are totally fucked up by the fact that I do not take them seriously. They are still playing school boyish and college boyish games with me. Every time I step up the level the poor bastards are hard put to react. Because they go by the book and cant think out of the hat. They have to put their heads together and think hard and they dislike that intensely. I once threatened to begin a blog in Malayalam to lay everything bare and they brought the whole establishment to make me back off. Not that it would have deterred me in the least, but then, that was my entire move for that period, to make them scared and shit blood. If a threat alone can achieve that why go any further?

I have them where I want. And they are learning to be wise slowly.

Now even the lowest minion in the establishment is hard at work learning English (Can’t accuse them you know, I too am learning it as I go along), they just are not sure what I am going to cook up about them on the morrow! Of course there is no need to cook up anything at all. The facts alone would make hilarious reading. They are mere run of the mill types and would go red in the face if some one just winks at them. Imagine the terrible lose of prestige if they are caricatured in English for the entire world to see!

They have great respect for my artistic talents it seems, they believe that I could make a pen really bend, and bend dangerously too. Probably they are thanking their stars that I haven’t started a blog in Malayalam. Some of them have even started teaching me English now, very diligent students, all of them. Of course the effort is intended to cast doubts in my mind regarding my ability to write anything at all. They could have spared themselves the trouble, for I would have written anyway, completely disregarding every percept of language if I wanted to get my ideas into the open, with grammar, idiom, sentence structure or without.

All this when I am totally clean of any misdeeds in my life and have not done anything other than come out in the open against certain corrupt people in the establishment. When the whole system is corrupt the damn thing will react with terrifying force on you. I am not going to paint myself white here. I have my faults, if any one expects a pure angel they may have to look elsewhere than towards me. You don’t have such purity among men yet.

But my self-declared enemies would perhaps do better than me in this case, they are whiter than the white roses they nurture in their gardens with the bribes they take and the money they nonchalantly swindle out of government accounts.

Would you believe it, they even financed an extreme leftist faction once with it which later declared an armed revolution against the state! It was brutally curbed by the police. The main think tank of the faction would regularly visit the office then and would covertly threaten me with a trial at “people’s court “supposedly for my incompetence and anti people stance! This is an old technique used to silence and discredit those opposing them in their endeavor to destabilize the very system which supports them.

But what the fuck, I still can not be bribed and bought( it is some kind of a congenital disease with me, truly incurable and honestly I am not at all happy with it, it would have been much better for me if I was corrupt, I would not have to fight like this and lose everything in the bargain!), I may or may not have done some mischievous things when I was still a blundering youth, probably in the mildest of forms. These guys have invested a lot into them, and are broadcasting them with wonderful and weird colors injected into those incidents. They have not a shred of evidence to go by other than that manufactured by their fantastically fertile brains.

They thought that it would cow me, but unfortunately I was made of dumber stuff, and so they have recently started threatening me with my life to get the point across. Some of them would come and describe accurate details of certain bike accidents they have witnessed without any introduction or preliminary conversation whatsoever. The poor biker always dies in those imaginary accidents. I have to admit that It would be easy for them if they take that course; I ride a bike to the office and back and it is some twenty KM’s each way on a highway which has no separate lines for traffic plying in both directions. There have been numerous such incidents before this- an ordinary looking accident; you know a truck losing control and the like would do the trick for them.

Now to tell you the truth, I have never cared whether I live on to be a nonagenarian or not, ( I shudder at the thought of living in such a debilitating state of existence, and I have barely completed half of the journey now. The fact is that I am terrified by the thought that I would slowly lose every single property I have now and would be reduced into the state of a functioning vegetable.) I could die at this moment fully satisfied and with a feeling that I have done everything possibly I could in this life.

For, I was definitely established well within myself even before I started on a career in Govt service and do not require any further illumination. Yes I know, from a purely theoretical point of view, good and evil are the same and both are detrimental to the growth of the inner self. But when considered from the worldly angle, good is imperative in the sense that it provides scope to look into yourself, while evil makes you look out of yourself. If my elders were not comparatively good and the system not functional I would not have had the opportunity to look inside and find something there, to me that is the value of good and we have to stand up for it .

The case is that I am not totally a bad civil servant at all even in this blessed land of opportunists.

Sometime back I handled a government section dealing directly with applications of the public, ( there were thousands of live files and no one to assist me) I cleared every file and made the fucking section up to date cleaning up a back log of some five years. There was not a single complaint from the public when I was there. I had to do ten men’s work to achieve that. Not even my hottest detractors would dare to deny it.

And what did I get in return, there is a series of pending cases in the High court seeking to curb my further advancement in the service on some purely technical cooked up bulshit( credit for the expression goes to a sweet friend ( or foe) of mine), the progress of which is personally supervised and financed by the stalwarts in my own department. There are several non-plan schemes to swindle the money out and pay the advocate. There is no mechanism to look into the mode of spending. It is a free for all. This is how we modernize and globalize in this land.

One case would start the moment the earlier one is dismissed, Not that I mind. If I waned to I could have been in better jobs by now.

It is a fucking charade really. The government has to argue my case in court and the taxpayer’s money is being defrauded out to argue against it too. These guys suppress evidence supporting my claims when representing the government in their official capacity and would furnish every scrap favoring the opposition to them to beef up the cases!

You can come over and watch the same section in action now. It is back into its old state, but none are worried, for you can’t catch fish without muddying up the pool, can you? I must have denied them truck loads of money with my poor efforts to clear backlogs- See how enmity grows. Can they ever forgive me!

Every Indian, reading this, would have had such experiences in this country, both from the law and the civil authorities. Don’t deny it and deny the truth. I work at such an establishment and I regularly hear people speak out about us and the way we work. The fact I wasn’t like that does not alter a single thing. Now I too have become discouraged. I don’t care any more. What the fuck, who is helping whom, the public doesn’t care, the intelligentsia doesn’t care, the politicians do not care, the judiciary doesn’t care, the executive doesn’t care and probably my enemies are in the right, this is a system where the only voice worth listening to is the voice of money.

Then why does the goddamned system teach something else at schools? Teach cutting the throat of the person next to you, teach pilfering public funds, teach looting and arson, teach murder and larceny and teach adultery and adulteration instead.

Why not? Why the hell not? Why in the bloody hell not do that?