I AM WHAT I AM

Whew, got it in the mid ribs!

-I am breathless, I am devastated.

Good lord, who knew that my poor posts would become a global event!

Oh, my fair (and not so fair) friends,

- I give you my solemn assurance,

-I wouldn’t be on that thing for gazillion (favorite expression of my little nephew, meaning endless I suppose!) multiplied by quadrillion, quadrillion …..quadrillion Kuwaiti Dinars!

I feel truly infinitesimal

- dismal would have been the more appropriate word but …

I will let that go for now.

Yet how can I let go of my embarrassment in front of the loving soul that is with me,

- for no reason other than the recurrence of the images of an ellipsis and of a something coupled with remarks on bareness

-which was subtly planted in my mind by certain wonderfully insensitive geniuses?

I pledge my word that I have nil animalistic inclinations on that line.

As it has been lately established by some very perceptive people that I am a terrible cannibal

(Can I question their judgment from my innate imbecility?);

-I am glad you guys were so terribly careful about yourself;

-otherwise I probably would have gobbled you all up in no time!

That would have been a great pity,

-considering my worthlessness to the world and your extreme worth.

(But then why is the cannibal hurt,

- in horrible pain and is withering with sorrow?

And why does the soul of the cannibal shudder at the sickness of it all?

The Cannibal is not supposed to have a soul,

-or intelligence and culture!

He is after human flesh,

-he is the ultimate parasite,

-and alas he does not yet recognize it! )

-Should you be so brilliant, should you be indeed!

What do you take us lesser mortals for,

-Illiterate aboriginals in persistent need for clear guidance in matters of conscience?

Oh the triteness,

-the wretchedness,

-the total and complete banality

-of the insinuations,

- and the way it was done!

And I am terribly bad at riddles;

-electrocute me please,

-instead of putting me on something on a territory which I do not own and do not want to ever own.

I forgot to tell you,

-this blog is not for the highly enlightened;

-it was not advertised with visiting other blogs and leaving my URL in them,

--except on two isolated incidents to date.

No one is forced to visit it or read its content,

-I post whenever I am in a mood to post and whatever “nonsense” I choose.

It is my adventure with my own little ‘parasitic’ inner world,

-not an attempt to attract any one into it,

-though I write as if I have a large audience,

- it is just a fad;

-there is nothing more to it than that.

All conversations,

-whether internal or external,

-do expect an audience before them,

-other wise they wouldn’t take place,

-even the greatly enlightened would probably agree to this.

Yet sometimes people do come to my blog,

I haven’t bothered to ask why,

-because I was not out to catch them and make them my own,

I have always thought that life is sort of a short interval between birth and death and that it has no meaning other than what we make of it.

The meaning I personally ascribe it is to live it the way I feel it from time to time.

I often wonder what others see in what I write,

-some of the posts are hastily done in a stupid style with no finesse and flair,

- (oh, do Cannibals have such things!)

-just to get it over with-

-yet I wouldn’t complain.

Let them spend as much time as they want in it.

(It is no boast, I have “Start Counter” in it,

-and they give pretty good account of what the visitors do in the blog.)

I had planned to delete the blog after I reached 180 blog posts,

-since I can not find time and energy to do it with my job which requires some daily driving.

Now I have decided to let it stay alive.

I am game, I thrive on the acrimony, and it hardens my resolve to fight on.

Folks, I had come up by the hard way,

-there were no silver spoons on my table,

-not that I regret it,

-they are only good to look at but rather chilling to touch as I often find.

Cold metal, elegant and poised but nothing organic or life sustaining in it,

- I was satisfied with my wooden one.

- It breathed its life into me.

-It brought the whole forest into me.

Everything you see in my blog has a meaning for me,

- but may not have any for certain sublime souls.

But I can’t help that.

None of the posts were written with anyone in mind.

Some of them were an inept attempt at story telling,

- having little factual basis.

It was my personal take on life.

(God what wonderful things people write about others,

- once incensed?

A foolish post like “the way of the wise”

-and a stupid title of the blog were brought to book along with everything I do because

- they relate with some one else’s perceptions of life in a way I could have barely guessed.)

Yet I do not regret it.

Unknown to me,

-those seems to have shaken something up.

There are absolutely no deeds without effects,

-even the most evil deed would have to produce the most good somewhere in the world.
That is how the balancing works.

Let me be the Devil so there will be God!

I have always liked him,

-Lucifer,

- the son of morning,

-all resplendent,

-the first born of god,

-the one with the great pride,

- the one who rebelled against god for his leaning towards man,

- who was cast out into the deepest of hells,

- who can not regain higher worlds without human souls praying for him

I like the myth about him;

-I like him in his pride,

- in his eternal sorrow at the injustice done to him,

- his nonchalance at what had happened.

I have seen both of them,

-God and Satan,

-the god stricken and sad,

-and the other one with great flashing eyes,

- arrogant,

-powerful and defiant.

Strangely they always look demure to me whenever I meet them,

-looking up to me as if in supplication,

-seeking my blessings.

Given a choice I would be the later any time, any day, any moment.

But I can’t,

-because I am man,

-and they are the creations of the genius of my race,

- I am not theirs.

They are like my children,

I love them,

-I hold them near to my heart,

-I love them when they play with me,

-covering me with dust and refuse from their figures,

-painting me in many hues.

And,

I AM WHAT I AM

–nothing more,

-nothing less-.

I am truly sorry that this blog is not for the highly exalted.

They need no help from me.